Hi JCJ, I am feeling really down lately. I don't feel as if any progress has been made. Husband helped me move yesterday and helped me put furniture together and was overall very generous to do this for me, but the whole matter was treated like a business matter. It makes me feel like despite being with him for four years, I am now just meaningless to him. And I guess that must be how he feels right now.
He was feeling negatively towards me because I was too dependent. I played too many games. I'm obviously doing neither of those things because I have no reason to/can't. I'm trying to laugh/smile when I can, although I have to say that has been the hardest part. He used to hate that he did all of the cleaning. Again, I can't really change this, but I obviously need to do all the work in my new place and I can only hope that he'll notice how nice I'll be keeping it.
When we went to marriage counseling, he said the things that he liked about me was that I was smart and kind and that we had the same interests. I've been trying to say yes to everything he asks for, because I think that he will perceive this as me being kind. For instance, we had had Roger Water tickets and I asked a friend to go, but now he is saying he'd like them, so I told him that of course it's fine if he goes. I'm trying to act confident when I speak to him. I'm doing a lot more things for myself. A few times he offered me help, and I told him, no, I got this!
But still, no progress seems to have been made. There is absolutely no indication that his feelings have changed towards me at all. We still talk to each other almost daily, but there is no emotional attachment to anything that is said. It's like, you owe me this money for that. Don't forget to get this from the apartment.
I know... no expectations. But I just feel like he will never change his mind. I'm still going out and doing new things and am thoroughly enjoying it...
