If She Won't Stop the Affair?

[wont_stop]

I'm at a crossroads I never thought I would come to in my life.  My wife is in a physical and emotional affair with a co-worker.  She has said she will not stop seeing him, but she is not sure about a future with him.  She wants me to stay until she is sure she know what she wants.  I almost started the divorce process, but could not go through with it as I don't feel ready.  She is still in a torrid affair with him, and I don't know what to do as we have two children.  This is the hardest point in my life.

I should go back and explain our situation.  WW and I were married 14 years ago.  We were in love and had 2 children in that time.  I got layed off five years ago and had to work longer hours.  She and I fought more often and dos not get along as well, but we were happy a lot of times as well.

    Then last year, she had to move her work location to a two hour commute.  She would have to get up at 5 am to make her car pool and felt she might have to quit her job.  She became very depressed and would stay in bed late.  I would keep the kids busy and hold her, telling her there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

This year, she finally perked up.  She got used to the commute and became very happy.  She was able to work from home three days a week.  She would chatter incessantly every day she was home.  After a while she appeared too happy.

I started to get worried.  I asked her about drugs, but she claimed it was her new vitamins.  When I was running the phone bill, I noticed a lot of calls to a coworker.  She claimed they were working on an important project.

Then came her conference to Florida.  She was chosen to go for a week.  I asked if her coworker was going as well, but she said he could not make it.  So I watched the kids while she went to the conference.

When she got back, she was calling the OM every day.  She was coming home late.  I caught her on the phone with him that Wednesday and she tried to hide it.  Finally, on Friday, I checked her e-mail.  It was D-day, 5/18/2012.  They had been together on multiple dates and they planned on the conference.  He bought his own tickets and flew there.  She loved the view from thier balcony.  I was devastated.

That night I confronted her.  She denied, then confirmed an emotional affair.  She denied a physical one.

Over the next six weeks it was crazy time.  I checked her phone and hired detectives.  I uncovered the physical affair.  We went to marriage counseling together.  At one point it appeared they would end it, but she came back to him.  At our forth MC, I asked if she would agree to NC.  She said no.

I then set up mediation to start the S.    She asked me to cancel it, that we did not need to.  I went back and forth, and in the end I could not do it.  I cancelled the night before.

It seemed to help at first.  She told the OM that they had no future.  He sent her sweet nothings, she melted again and now will keep seeing him.

If I wait, is there any hope?  Can I 180 her, or must we be in R?  I don't want a D, but I don't think I can do this for long.  I think her heart is gone.