I would agree that my W believes I owe her. I can't deny that for several years, she picked up most of the slack as far as daily expenses are concerned. We didn't often take many trips out of my account. I may not have paid many utilities or groceries over the years, but I never skirted the rent or mortgage. I handled the big monthly bills such as car(s) and house and kids activities. The kids play club sports so I'm in the tank for about $8K a year on S12 alone for one sport. He loves it, so I do it.

I'm not without guilt, but we've covered that already. I did what I did with what little I knew and I don't have regrets. I'm passed that. I sleep fine at night and I don't much think about my W sleeping alone or with someone else. She's a bit of a pill these days so I have no thoughts of wanting.

The money is amusing. I will let her figure it out on her own when we sit down and work through the separation of bills. I know where she's coming from. She's looking at what she was able to do for years on 1/3 of what I make now and while that makes sense, she's never seen a bill from S12's club sport career and rarely ever paid for the hotel and never any of the equipment. She's not known a car payment in 6+ years or paid auto/health/home insurance. These things add up to a bit more than the water/gas/electric bills, which I've been paying for the past year now. I've picked up enough bills over the past year with my last promotion and she's not had to work a second job anymore, which she got as a way to get away from me and finance her early MLC party outings.

She's had the support of newer friends, who've encouraged her to pull the trigger on our marriage. I can only imagine the picture she painted of me. Never in my life have I endorsed anyones feelings of leaving their spouse, with or without kids. Again - I lose no sleep over this. I know that misery attracts similar company so these people don't interest me. The one couple that I know that are simply amazing, and helped finance my W's departure, will follow the others my W has met and lost. They will grow tired of her misery and self pity party like all the others she's been inclined to spend too much time around - except for EM/EA who is even more miserable.

I don't know what to think about divorce yet. I do wonder if I'll feel as though I didn't get what I deserved. I'm not asking for anything and I really did want my W to take everything but the house. I suppose this is why I'm more amused than upset that what she did leave me was poop and she got the good stuff. She said she tried to divide things up so I wasn't left with nothing, but there's a huge gap in the quality of the few things she left vs. what she took. I don't much care because I don't want any of it. I like making a house a home as a reflection of myself. I actually found it enjoyable being outside today in the heat and pulling weeds, imagining what I'm going to do next spring to make the house look nice from the outside. I've never grown anything successfully in my life until this year and I'm already naive enough to think I can plant a jungle.

I'm taking things 1 room at a time. Bedroom is mostly done except for a new duvet. Next is the bathroom, then kids rooms. While all this is going on I need to find money to decorate the walls since there's just about nothing on them now. So far its been helpful to focus my energy elsewhere. I'm not wanting my W back if part of the bargain would be her bringing all that stuff back with her. I understand the emotional connection to the things handed down to her from her deceased family member, but I also believe it to be part of the reason she's a runner. Never give all of yourself, always keep your stuff close so you can leave and not have to start over from the absolute beginning. It makes sense now. It also explains why I feel like the only difference between me and her last two "serious" relationships is our kids and if we didn't have any, I'd never hear from hear again.

AJ - I do get that I have to be the one to leave. I know that's kind of a driving force behind my wanting to meet a new circle of friends and my rush to change the code on the garage and make over each room in the house. This is what I want, but I also feel a dual purpose, to reclaim what I've lost and to show her I don't need her. We both lost sight of each others needs over the years, but I chose to try and flourish and not run away. As it stands, I'm in no mood to share my new bed with her or anyone, but I do want to share my thirst for life and my pride in what I've learned and accomplished. But your story stops me short in some cases. You sound like where I think I'm headed, but I don't understand your ex-W. How long was it before she found the OM or announced marriage? I know we're not supposed to be able to make sense of an MLC-er, but if we made our spouses miserable and they new person fans their flames, why do they keep coming at us?

My W isn't coming at me, but I don't expect her too until the divorce is finalized. I can tell my indifference is annoying her greatly since she's used to my sarcasm and reacts to me as though I'm being sarcastic about everything even if I'm not. Sounds strange I suppose, but I can see it. She sounds strained when she talks or text's me and it feels like she hates having to communicate with me. Maybe I just notice it more since I've been going about getting my house in order and finding satisfaction in my efforts. When did your W start coming at you? When did you notice she was making note of your life? I saw in another thread you talk some about this and it left me thinking her desire to get married is a way to get back at you. I can't say that with any authority since I've not read your full story.