DB Bootcamp - zig and sgctxok, and various

[zig]

sorry sg - i have read your answer to me several times, and have been waiting for today all week so that when this big party was over, i was going to sit and respond and focus on this.

but interesting thing i have found out about myself in the last few hours:

when things are going well or sort of well - i am very enthusiastic and able to keep a PMA and work towards my goals.

but when things are a bit discouraging or i don't see my current efforts always bringing positive feedback to me, I get very discouraged and give up.

This is not only to do with h and our sitch. This is the PATTERN of my life - with everything - work, play. relationships, every little interaction , all my efforts that i felt were thrown back at me in a way i didn't expect -and then i was crushed by them.

I'm actually very unsettled with finding this out for myself all of a sudden today - and i see it so clearly.

so it brings me to the present - and working on these goals, while i digest this new awareness. for the first time i am conscious, that oh gosh - i have to keep staying positive and not walk away from this after every disappointment - that is a HUGE growing up thing for me to deal with, and probably the biggest life lesson i need to learn here.

so since i just figured this out in the last 5 minutes, literally - i am a bit overwhelmed by it, and am just going to go meditate, and give it a chance to just flow through me and sit with it for a bit.

i trust, that as i go through it i will understand more how i need to accept this as a life lesson and be okay with it . i'm already now, eager to find out how i CAN be capable of changing this within myself and for now, all i can think of as a goal is:

My goal is to not get discouraged with every small thing that happens and still keep the faith in spite of external circumstances.

thanks

zig

ps. i will still get back to the other ones:)