I don't think he was angry just confused maybe. He is not a rude person that's why his demeanor yesterday was remarkable. Very out of character.

grace is correct, I am the one with the anger and it comes from fear. Fear of being alone, fear that this is really over, fear that I can't fix this.

Fear because it's out of my control.

Yes, I have all the codependency traits, used to go to weekly CoDA mtgs. Maybe I need to get back to them.

zig wrote this:
or was that the wrong attitude and perspective? was it a huge effort for me because i'm always wanting something else than what there is right now? was it a huge effort because i'm the one messed up in this and h is actually just floating along not giving a rat's a$$ about anything
Friend and I were talking about this same thing yesterday before the real estate stuff, and I actually began to cry because it relates to what I said earlier about creating chaos in search of perfection and only then I could be happy. (CoDe)

If I'm waiting for perfection, I'll be waiting a long time, huh?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss