Barn's burnt down--

[labug]

Been a crap weekend so far.

I'm hoping that as in the past when I go over these bumps in the road, I come out much better than I was before.

I need more GAL activities, scheduled GAL activities.

I was feeling really "alone" yesterday. I've never really been alone in my life. I have my kids and they love me but they have their lives and they shouldn't be my emotional support. I have no close family, geographically or emotionally. My parents are dead. I do have some great friends but that has its limits.

I have to figure this out and be OK with being alone. Most times I am but it really hit me yesterday.

I did a bike ride yesterday morning and saw H in a chance meeting. I stopped by my friends house who is on my route. They are building a tiny house and I've been a part of that. I hadn't seen it in awhile so thought I would check out the progress. This was early in the morning and sometimes I stop by and don't even see my friends, I just check things out and leave. However, they were up and out feeding the horses and other chores.

Friend and I checked out the house and then sat talking about many things. She's always been our real estate agent so we discussed refinancing and appraisals and interest rates. About that time H walks in, he's been helping them with the electric and had come by to finish up. She told me later that she was expecting him today, not yesterday.

He interrupted our conversation (not in a rude way, just by the fact that he walked in) and didn't acknowledge that (very unlike him). He didn't really acknowledge me, just started talking to friend. She then walked outside to get the things he needed and I hung around a few minutes to finish up on our conversation and also to let H know what she had suggested about the refi. I said goodbye, friend said goodbye, H didn't.

He was uncomfortable and a bit rude. So why even stop by? I could chalk it up to his being surprised to see me but he knew I was there, he had to have seen my bike (actually his bike) as it was right by the gate he had to open to get onto the property. He could have easily turned around at that point and no one would have known he was ever there.

My tolerance for this is just very low this weekend. I've been in this "I want to confront" mood for a couple of days and this just makes me want to scream "What the ef are you doing? This is what you wanted. Be happy! Stay the ef away from me."

Help me get past this bump in the road wise friends so I can keep moving along.