She wants to come home b/c things didn't go like she thought they would. But she hasn't changed! She hasn't put forth any effort to make changes, and until you see true results of effort on her behalf, you would be in the very same mess you have been in ever since your honeymoon.
If she were a man, do you see yourself walking 40 feet behind b/c he was mad at you? Would you have repeatedly taken the ABUSE from another man and continue any relationship (friendship, co-worker, whatever). If so, then you have some real issues that you need to see a professional about. I'm not a shrink, but I can tell you this much about human beings, if you let others mistreat you this badly, they do not get better toward you. They don't have any respect for you. In fact, they will detest you b/c you act like a coward by letting them cr@p all over you.
You finally told her what she said was not acceptable. (However, you should have told her in much stronger language, that doesn't sound like her teacher.) Good for you! But it's not over. She isn't going to give up that quickly. She'll do her best to get back home....ON HER TERMS...not yours. So this is your chance to tell her she's on her own and you are through with her. Yes, it's tough, but you should have yanked that knot out of her a$$ on your honeymoon, but you didn't, so now you've reaped the crop!
Do you have the ba!!s to tell her you are through? That is the only thing that will cause her to want you. Right now, she doesn't want YOU, she just wants her security back. If you start telling her she has to see a counselor, etc., she will agree, just to get back home. Once she's back, she isn't going to do squat!
However, if she believes she has really split her pants with you and that she' thrown away the best thing that ever happened for her................THEN SHE WILL TAKE THE NEEDED ACTION WITHOUT YOU TELLING HER. But first, she has to think you have truly had it with her. If she wants you more than she wants to come home, then she will do the work to get her man! But make her do the work where she is.
She isn't going to think that you've had enough as long as she can put you through the wringer every time you have a flight! Stop giving her answers to her petty, jealous, demands. Hang up on her, instead of telling her isn't not appropriate!! Show her that it doesn't earn your "time".
She had to have the divorce date to arrive before she could even call to say she wanted to come home. Personally, I think she should be on her own, or live with her parents, for whatever amount of years it takes for her to get mentally healthy. If you're still interested in another try at M with her, then maybe....who knows. I feel that going dark with her is the only thing that will cause her to want to change.
This your only chance. Make it count!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
