WE PROCEEDED ON II

[any chance?]

Gunny:
As you know, I have significant recent experience with the visiting xW. Our situations are quite similar, although I am not sure of where you are mentally these days.

I love my xW, always have, always will. The collapse of our R was tragic, and it was wrong. Cannot go back however, can only move forward. Although I have no idea where my xW is headed, and I refuse to put my life on hold waiting for her, there is no doubt that the door is open a crack, and that I am open to whatever transpires in the future. Although there is a 99% chance she and I will never cross paths again, I will leave the door open just a crack.

Seeing my xW in May was good. It was good to see her, and she seemed to be glad to see me. There was no pressure, no deep conversations, no discussion of R at all. Just two people with a very deep connection enjoying time and space. I think it was good for her to see the new and improved me, and she said as much several times. Did the visit send me into a spiral? Not really, perhaps a bit, as you know, but in the long run I think it was good. Most people I talk to think it was bizarre, but what do they know? Bottom line: the visit was good, and I would do it again.

Key point is no expectations. Visiting your STBXW might be good, depending on your mindset. IMO, she does not just want to drop the dog off...she wants to see you. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Maybe she just wants to see if you can still be friends, maybe she is having second thoughts....no one knows but her.

I have been amazed at the length of time these things take. My xW will be gone a year in August, and I cannot predict the future. It would be a lot easier if I could just erase her out of my life, but I cannot do that. Not sure you can either, based on our previous discussions.

Give the visit some thought. Will it do more harm than good? Will it give you new tidbits of information that will help you understand your situation a little bit more? I suggest it might. If the visit is going to knock you back, then think twice. If you can keep things in perspective, perhaps it is worth taking a chance.

JMHO. Good luck, and keep us posted.