Thanks for the update 2, very excited about the job opportunities. Good luck with those!
Also, I feel a sense of joy for how you handled your W's request. You were kind, you were honest and you stood your ground. As hard as it is, there is a since of strength in your statements above.
I know from you posts you still love your W and that if the true opportunity to reconcile came to be, you would be able to do work with that. But I also see you coming to terms with the old saying of letting go something that you love to see if it returns to you. That's the step you took with your response.
You know me well enough to know that I take a spiritual view of life so just a though to keep with you. Its my experience that when I take steps to free myself of a life of fear or lack of integrity to myself & God, there is something there that attacks to wear me down and try to put me back into old habits. Just be prepared for that attack. You'll know it when you see it and you'll be able to overcome!
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I told him that it is becoming more clear to me that W is not taking any steps to come closer to me so I need to take steps to move farther away. I had been thinking that I was keeping the road home smooth and paved by always being there to rescue my wife, but a friend explained that the road that needs to be smooth and paved is a different one than the one my W is currently on.
The road she is on needs to be full of bumps and potholes for her to ever see that the other road, (the smooth one back to a healthy marriage) is better than the one she is on now.
That's a wise counselor, 2tP. That is precisely right!
Congrats on the revelations and the epiphany. I'm not quite sure, but I think you may have just turned your Corner.
So back to the anniversary. I stopped by the house to take the boys swimming and W says "today is our anniversary!" "So it is," I reply. "It was a a great day!" she says. "Yes it was," I reply. And that was it. Nothing exchanged, nothing else said . . .
Thanks everyone for your comments and words of encouragement. It still blows that I have to turn away and move on with my life. I feel like I am leaving so much behind. When the bomb dropped on my head I felt like I had lost a limb. Now as I move away it is almost like I can see my limb lying on the ground and I need to pick it up but can't because I will die if I hang around too much longer, (the opening battle scene on the beaches of Normandy in Saving Private Ryan come to mind).
Originally Posted By: CES
I know from you posts you still love your W and that if the true opportunity to reconcile came to be, you would be able to do work with that. But I also see you coming to terms with the old saying of letting go something that you love to see if it returns to you. That's the step you took with your response.
I agree and I hope it is/was the right thing to do. Time will tell I suppose.
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
I'm not quite sure, but I think you may have just turned your Corner.
I think you are right, Pup. I think a couple of things had to happen for this to occur.
First, my W kind of stuck another dagger in my heart with her proclamation that I was not invited to the family event.
Second, I had to regain some self confidence that had been missing in my life. I have found that rejection from the one person in your life who is supposed to never reject you is a terrible blow you ones ego, self esteem and sense of value. It took quite some time for me to find this confidence again. I have some dear friends who have helped tremendously with that and I am forever grateful.
After a lot of careful reflection I also realized that my W attending the family event without me may actually be a blessing in disguise. This will be the first time she is seeing her family by herself without me since she dropped the bomb. Oh to be a fly on the wall during her visit.
I also realized that for many months I have been shouldering 100% of the burden of this crisis. Yet, my W had a significant role to play in this and I am no longer willing to be her scapegoat. I have sacrificed my own reputation by keeping quiet about our separation and allowing people to draw conclusions based upon me leaving my home. If they knew the real story they'd be shocked!
I suppose you can call it taking back my nutts. Whatever it is, I'm done feeding my W her cake and bringing her seconds and then wiping her a$$ when she is done. I must have more self respect than I have been demonstrating and it is time to get my act together in this regard.
Anyway, that's enough for now. I'll post more when I have something important to share or some new found wisdom falls out of my thick head.
Thanks again everyone for following along, sticking with me and encouraging me on this sad and lonely journey. I apologize for not giving back as much as I have in the past. Sometimes I just don't have anything of value to add, even though I follow many threads in this forum.
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I think you're getting "tothepoint"... *You* have complete say over where you want your life to go! I love seeing this new burst of confidence I think it was always there, you just needed some reminding... Whatever events took place that have helped you find it again, do more of those! You are a very kind and generous person... It's her loss of she has failed to see that.
Stay on this positive track!! Good things will come to you if you expect them to!
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
