How many licks does it take...?

[2thepoint]

Thanks everyone for your comments and words of encouragement. It still blows that I have to turn away and move on with my life. I feel like I am leaving so much behind. When the bomb dropped on my head I felt like I had lost a limb. Now as I move away it is almost like I can see my limb lying on the ground and I need to pick it up but can't because I will die if I hang around too much longer, (the opening battle scene on the beaches of Normandy in Saving Private Ryan come to mind).

I know from you posts you still love your W and that if the true opportunity to reconcile came to be, you would be able to do work with that. But I also see you coming to terms with the old saying of letting go something that you love to see if it returns to you. That's the step you took with your response.

I agree and I hope it is/was the right thing to do. Time will tell I suppose.

I'm not quite sure, but I think you may have just turned your Corner.

I think you are right, Pup. I think a couple of things had to happen for this to occur.

First, my W kind of stuck another dagger in my heart with her proclamation that I was not invited to the family event.

Second, I had to regain some self confidence that had been missing in my life. I have found that rejection from the one person in your life who is supposed to never reject you is a terrible blow you ones ego, self esteem and sense of value. It took quite some time for me to find this confidence again. I have some dear friends who have helped tremendously with that and I am forever grateful.

After a lot of careful reflection I also realized that my W attending the family event without me may actually be a blessing in disguise. This will be the first time she is seeing her family by herself without me since she dropped the bomb. Oh to be a fly on the wall during her visit.

I also realized that for many months I have been shouldering 100% of the burden of this crisis. Yet, my W had a significant role to play in this and I am no longer willing to be her scapegoat. I have sacrificed my own reputation by keeping quiet about our separation and allowing people to draw conclusions based upon me leaving my home. If they knew the real story they'd be shocked!

I suppose you can call it taking back my nutts. Whatever it is, I'm done feeding my W her cake and bringing her seconds and then wiping her a$$ when she is done. I must have more self respect than I have been demonstrating and it is time to get my act together in this regard.

Anyway, that's enough for now. I'll post more when I have something important to share or some new found wisdom falls out of my thick head.

Thanks again everyone for following along, sticking with me and encouraging me on this sad and lonely journey. I apologize for not giving back as much as I have in the past. Sometimes I just don't have anything of value to add, even though I follow many threads in this forum.