When it's a one-way street...part 7

[Accuray]

If H likes to have sex, and you've established a pattern of withholding it from time to time, he's going to develop some anxiety in that area. When you start having sex with him again, you might expect to see some gratitude on his behalf, or a willingness to do something for you in return, etc. etc. When you don't see that change, you might get resentful and decide to withhold sex again.

What I'm saying is that as long as he believes you may yank the rug, you probably won't see ANY change. That's the tough thing. Until he believes it's "here to stay" and a part of your marriage, he's going to be anxious and worry that each time might be his last for a long time, so he'll be tempted to "try new things", and may generally make the experience angst ridden for you. The fear of having it go away again creates dysfunction on his behalf, and that prevents him from thinking of you and what you're doing for him -- does that make sense?

In terms of the "change" I was thinking of, I wasn't thinking of anything specific, just a general improvement in your marriage. You started having sex with him again for some reason -- there was some driving force behind that. I'm just saying that whatever results you had in mind may be very possible, but they may take quite a bit longer to show up than you would reasonably expect them to.

Accuray