First things first - Too late for pictures. I can't say I fully care. S12 will be almost 13 if not 13 if lawyers get involved and he can easily vouch for what my W took. He's constantly mouthing off about how she took everything, but he calms down when he sees how excited I am about the few new things we've bought together. Yes, We sat on the floor to eat for almost a week since she took everything. She said she'd take the fish tank, but hasn't and I was kind of hoping she would have. Eh....details.
I had spoken to a lawyer for an initial consultation, a lawyer that specializes in protecting fathers. In my state, I'm fudged - period. I document each day that the kids are sleeping in my house, but that's all I can do since she can't make her own car payments so I have to do it and it only further proves she can't support herself. I'm fudged, but it's only money and I can only give what I can give. I found myself thinking about that book - "The Giving Tree" and I finally understood what the story was really about.
My W has this image of me sitting on a pile of money and holding out on her. Eh, go ahead and call your lawyers since you don't believe me. I really could care less at this point. So the retirement fund will get depleted a bit more in order to fix my car and repay the $500 to the utility company I forked out the other day for her. When that's gone, so goes her control over me. You can't squeeze blood from an orange and I have no intention of being anything but cordial to her and explain quite simply that I have no money.
It does totally stink, but I think I should be okay once all of the finances get sorted out and I know what I'm dealing with so I can develop a plan and stick with it. I'm not a control freak, but having ADD and not realizing the role that's played in my life/marriage until recently, I've come to realize that I need to build routines so that I don't get overwhelmed with stuff I forgot about. It really helps me with balance and stress.
Moving on, the kids and i went on a road trip yesterday to go buy furniture several hours away. The cost of a rental car, the dining room set and bedroom set cost less that having to finance a dining room table and chairs here in town. It was totally worth it. I got what I wanted and the kids and I had a great time, even though we spent 9 hours in the car that day. There was no complaining and they got along really great for sitting in a car that long.
W called S12 while we were on our way home. I don't think she was happy since she called the day before to tell me she took a vacation day and the kids would be with her, but I informed her I had taken the day off and told the kids about it a few days back - Thursday they're at my house with me anyway so I felt there was no reason to go into detail on my plans. When W asked him about what we were doing, she went through 20 questions with him. I know she had plans to do something with the kids that would have been more kid friendly, but that's because she wouldn't believe us if we told her that we really had a lot of fun.
S12 told me he wouldn't tell her what we got because it's none of her business and she was getting angry with him and ended the call. S12 is protecting me. He wicked P.O.'ed at his mom. He went on a rant about her for over an hour today. How all she wants is my money ( what money? ) and how he's heard her talking to her friends. He's mad at me for letting her take advantage of me because she's telling him and her friends how I'm the bad guy in all this. That she knows I love her and she's taking advantage of me. He told me that he didn't care about her or what she does with her life because it's all about her and her friends. It was sad to hear him say that, then he said he was going to get us back together. I told him that his cause was noble, but that if his mom and I are ever to come together in the future, I would need to let go and give up on her. I reminded him to never say never.
I'm generally happy as of late since I started getting things for the house. My W does manage to poop on my happy parade still with her hostile tone w/ me. I just have to grin and bare it. I'm a bit thrown off by S12. My W dropped them off at the house the other day so she could pick up a few more things ( as if there's anything left ) and I made an effort to not be there. When I came home, my bedroom door was closed and S12 said he closed it because what I had done to my bedroom was none of her business. I don't even talk about his mom and when I do, I'm not hostile, just indifferent because I know he's worried about me.
You're right though, it's important to maintain my sense of humor. I'm doing pretty good about that. Had a hard time at the in-laws last weekend, feeling like the elephant in the closet. They were very warm and caring and none of us talked about my W or about how I was feeling, but it was just below the surface of conversation regardless of how much I smiled and avoided the subject. Makes me all that much more excited about going back in 2 weeks. I don't want too, but I'm obligated. I will let go and let God sort it out for me as I did this past weekend. It worked out pretty good this last time so I'm sticking with "if was meant to be, it will be", for when I get back up there in a few. Things just kind of work out sometimes and that was not lost on me at all last weekend. Things just seemed to work out better than they had for me in a long time.
