I got up from my nap and H was passed out on the floor downstairs, so I came back upstairs. I went down a bit later and the noise of me on the stairs woke him up. I'd said that I wasn't really hungry so I probably wouldn't really even want to eat anything (it's really too hot to do anything!) but he kept insisting about dinner, said he could wait until I was hungry, etc. etc. He kept making comments about how he'd been gone so long, (2 weeks) he couldn't remember where things were, said gee my hair was getting long (I just got it cut noticeably shorter this week) etc. He just seemed kind of disoriented. It's not like he was gone for 4 months!
While we were waiting around he talked about how much he hates his current job situation and how his best friend just got an amazing new job offer. Given how down H was after finding out that one of his high school classmates founded a very successful tech startup company (at a young age), this surely isn't helping his job situation. Again - the only thing he complains about is his JOB. HELLO. CLEARLY THERE IS A LARGE PROBLEM IN HIS LIFE THAT HE IS NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT AND THE NAME OF THIS PROBLEM IS NOT VERA.
Anyway. After talking for about 15 minutes, he realized he hadn't asked me how I was doing. I just said "Keeping busy." He asked a few more questions, I was vague and didn't really expand on things. He eventually kept insisting that we could go out to a restaurant, share a dish if I wasn't that hungry, "nibble on something." I relented. So we left. He was chatty on the way there, talking about a book he's reading, why he likes it, am I reading the magazine subscription he got me? I mentioned that I was a little behind because I was reading "a bunch of random things" and he asked what and I said "oh just a bunch of things" and mentioned the one non-R book I read recently, etc.
When we got close to the restaurant he asked if I wanted to hit up the vintage clothing store we used to go to on occasion. I said maybe after dinner. We had dinner. It was a little odd because I just felt nothing toward him. I wasn't necessarily interested in what he was talking about. I validated where appropriate, cracked a few jokes when I felt like it, refrained from offering solutions to the problem of someone else he discussed and really just felt . . . nothing (toward him). I guess it's a good thing that my expectations were so far below zero that this dinner meant anything in the grand scheme of anything.
I went to reach for my wallet when the bill arrived and he grabbed it first to put on the "house" credit card. We went over to the vintage store. He enjoyed pulling out some crazy shirts to try on. I tried on this teensy sequinned mini dress (wayyy too small!) but he insisted on seeing it on me anyway. Good for a laugh. He tried on a few shirts but they were generally pretty small on him and he made a comment about being fat (he did look a bit pudgy, all of that traveling makes it hard to exercise on the road).
We caught a cab back home and he finally went up to the guest room and exclaimed at seeing the new accent wall! Haha. We discussed it for a bit and I indicated that I was probably going to have to paint the whole room anyway. He said he'd be available this week to help with the re-painting but I said I hadn't decided on a color yet. He indicated that his travel schedule meant that he wouldn't be around to help after this week, but I just said I might hire someone to paint it anyway. That said, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to use him for free labor, if I can decide on a color ASAP...
We went to bed in our separate rooms shortly thereafter (well, I'm relaxing with TV and blanket making and DB board reading).
So . . . yeah. This long post about tonight and I just really don't feel much of anything toward H right now except a little bit of pity. Part of me is also maybe a bit annoyed that he hasn't done more about getting the house ready to sell because I almost feel now like he's holding me back! How am I supposed to get on with my life with him not moving fast enough now! Fancy that. . .
No worries, I'm not making any big decisions tonight.
