Still on the border of Neverland

[Twink]

Twink,
If you do come back......I am curious why you decided to quit DBing.

Back56, it wasn't so much a decision as a slow realization. H has not been the person I thought I married for several years now. He doesn't seem to be aware of his changes, much less their effect on those of us who knew him best and loved him most. I have seen no evidence of any self-examination related to our marriage, no admission of any responsibility for its demise, no real remorse for his actions (as I did after a much earlier infidelity), and no desire to work on himself or come back to our marriage. He is clearly confused, constantly changing his mind and sending mixed messages -- pushes a financial division for 6 months, then drops it after I get an attorney and ask for information; kisses me when we meet, and acts in some old, personal ways in public, but no longer asks me to even have lunch with him -- I could go on.

I have a great deal of compassion for him, but the reality is that he is still far, far from the person I thought he was, and shows no sign of becoming that person again. As he is now, he is not someone I would choose to be with. So I am done. Not DONE done, maybe, but I no longer care if he sees me at less than my best, I no longer avoid saying what I need to say for fear it will push him away (even though there hasn't really been that much). I will simply be myself. If that isn't enough anymore for him, sobeit.

Does this mean you have accepted that a divorce may be the best result for you at this time and prefer to not spend your energy on trying to "bust" it?

No, I have not accepted that it is the best result, but that it is likely. I will not live like this indefinitely, waiting for H's next move re our marriage.

I always ask about the nature of the meeting so as not to be blindsided and as prepared as I can be.

I did this as well. Good for you!

He has decided to move to another rental with a year lease and told me he will begin divorce proceedings, specifically drafting a proposal to divide our assets.
And so, he is coming out of limbo land finally after 2 years of metaphorically wringing his hands and saying "I don't know what to do".

Maybe. You know what happened when my H seemed to be at that point! Just accept his decision, move forward with it as you must to protect yourself, and have no expectations.

You're doing very, very well, back 56. Keep moving forward!