Blood on the Tracks

[tested metal]

I have learned a lot about my self last night. In a moment of weakness and frustration, I went on 2 dates with a very nice woman, who is very shy. The reasons why I went out on them was wrong as it was to stroke my ego a little and see if I was ready for another relationship. I found out I am not.

I felt this little twinge of anxiety during both dates that grew increasingly as the second date went on. The person I went out with knew a little about my past and the current divorce process.

She told me last night that she was divorced after 6 years of marriage of which she was abused physically, mentally, and emotionally. She then got into another bad relationship which lasted 2 years and then had been single for 1 year.

I told her that she was an amazing person who didn't deserve that kind of treatment. I then told her that I would like to remain friends, but I am not ready for any kind of romantic relationship right now. I explained to her that I need to end my current emotional bond with STBXW, before getting into a relatioship with someone else, and by not doing that would not be fair to anyone involved. She seemed to understand.

I know that I am going to have to be alone for a long time in order to grow. My journey's path has become a little clearer.