Zig, I explained more over in your thread, but basically my DB coach told me to become H's girlfriend again. She suspected he was with OW because of those kinds of feelings, and I needed to be the one making him feel that way...instead of OW.
So H and I hung out last night like normal. We watched the NBA Draft (something I never would have done before, even though I LOVE basketball...go figure!), and headed to bed. I was going to initiate ML, but didn't. Yesterday was an emotional day for both of us. It might not have gone so well. There's always tonight. LOL
Also, there's something to be said for guilt I guess. LOL I'm laying in bed while H takes his car to get his oil changed. He will then come back home to bring me breakfast and then switch to my car so he can take that for an oil change. I offered to drive my car over to the shop, but he said that was okay, and I should just get some rest. I said okay, if that's what he wanted to do. Came to kiss me on his way out, and here I am in chill mode.
Some good friends told me that he needs to feel useful now because of the job situation, and I should let him do the things he wants to do. I'm going to be honest and say I feel like he gets to take the easy route of appeasing his guilt, while plotting his escape. And I can feel myself getting angry about it, the more I think about it.
Since he wants to leave so bad, why not just go? I wouldn't care how broke I was. I'd find somewhere else to sleep. I've done it before, so I know how it feels to just want to go. But he isn't going anywhere. And I want to know WHY?
You're right, fig. I know he's not rational. But that's a post for another day. Let's just say he's an emotional mess right now. Here's my list...in no particular order:
I like having him there because (pre-bomb) when his arms are around me I feel safe, like finally no one can ever hurt me again. What I wouldn't give to have that feeling back.
I like having him there because he laughs with me, sometimes with me at myself. LOL He was the first person in a long time that let me know life sometimes is just not that serious.
I like having him there because he really does take good care of me. He makes me slow down and smell the roses, when all I want to do is clip some and put them in a vase on the table.
Fig, this is a really good exercise. I have more, but this is a start. I realized something yesterday. Even though we've been married for 3 years, I didn't start believing in my M until it was basically over. Sure I acted like a wife most days, but I never "felt" like one, if that makes sense. I mean, sure I loved him. I didn't know how to show him that because I never put any effort into believing I should have to. Nor effort into finding how to love HIM the way he needed to be loved.
I'm learning new stuff everyday on this journey. Some of it hurts, but is making me into a better RoRo.
Your posts here are really helpful - you are making such important discoveries about yourself and how to live a good life.
And what you said about your marriage really turned on a light for me:
I didn't start believing in my M until it was basically over. Sure I acted like a wife most days, but I never "felt" like one, if that makes sense. I mean, sure I loved him. I didn't know how to show him that because I never put any effort into believing I should have to. Nor effort into finding how to love HIM the way he needed to be loved.
I always felt a bit odd saying using the terms 'husband' and 'wife' in relation to H and me, for some reason. And yes I loved him, but didn't think i needed to put effort into showing it. Didn't think I should have to. WOW! That lesson came at a big cost.
