Ok Im beginnnig to think Im in MLC or just finally lost it. So yesterday I have all these acceptant feelings of what's going on for now and feeling like Im letting go.
Then since last night I've gone from extremely pissed of at XH to ok to pissed off back to ok, and back to pissed off.
Everyone seems to be completely acceptant of everything going on here accept me I guess. I have family members now telling me that the past is the past and to focus on making a good relationship with XH for the girls sake because " you never know what the future will hold. Be grateful he's still in your life".
Ok I get that, I do get that mentally, but Im not feeling it. Im still heavily burdened with resentment towards the man. Im resentful because every waking moment is a reminder to me of how he abandoned me. Every waking moment. While he has made a home with OW and she gets the priveledge of only working part time, Im stuck working full time at a job that literally drains everythng from me mind body and soul. I absolutely must keep working to keep a roof over our heads and drain the savings account to keep the roof over our heads so he can cheat me out of money to pay his bills. Because his new princess doesn't have to work.
My body hurts and Im in pain all the time and Im exhausted. Its up to me to do all the disciplining, feeding taking care of, support, etc for both the girls. I break up fights, I mend up hurt feelings, I teach them to be self sufficient, I teach them to do laundry, clean house, cook, etc. I never get a breather because the girls are constantly wanting my attention because Im their friend, they like me and want to be near me all the time. Yet I need time alone to think.
Im so overwhelmed by it all I literally can't focus on anything anymore and am exhausted. Yet when he was here he was of enough support with parenting and even personally to me at times to where I had a break and I felt I could depend upon him for help.
He abandons me, and all this is now on my shoulders all the time. And Im supposed to be happy he's in my life? Im supposed to just let him and and let it all go and be friends with this man?
I want to write him a really truthful letter of how this last year has been for me and how much I resent him for it. Because I don't think he has ANY idea how hard it's been.
