Sounds like it might be time to focus on GAL. What have you been doing in that area?? Make plans for yourself with friends and give yourself something to look forward to.
Plus, do you want to be seen as a "needy" person? I say this, because I was SOOOO that person when this all started for me. It isn't attractive. How can you gain back your independence of being happy all on your own?? What are your strengths? Can you focus more on the things that you love to do and the things that make you YOU?? What are your hobbies?
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I have very much been there... REALLY, I have. These forums have also been a lifesaver for me. I hope you start feeling better soon!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Yeah, I usually try and plan my weekend out so that I'm busy. And now that W is out of town I have D. I do great keeping busy with her. Right now it's just the no contact from W during the day that [censored]. Plus I'm not even sure if she's coming back today or tomorrow. I'm trying to show her it doesn't matter even though it does. If she doesn't come home today that's fine with me. Another night in my own bed in our house with D. Every time I ask D if she wants to call mommy she says no. Maybe I need to take some cues from her and just stop thinking about her.
W called to let me know she's coming back from UT. She probably won't stay with D tonight though. She needs a night off. She still wants a divorce. Anyone here get back with S after getting divorced?
W has been asking a lot of questions this weekend. Ever since her "friend" called while D was plaing on her phone & asked who it was. W: "Are those new shoelaces?" , also asked D if I liked the circus that me & D went to(speakerphone). W has also been saying hi & bye first. Now she wants to know what 4th of July plans are. My nights with D are Tuesday & Wednesday. She is not sure If she was going to get to see her since it's not her night. I have never kept D away from W. also, D called me up from W's fathers house just to say hi. D is seven. She never wants to call W when we are together and now D just does it on her own. Made me feel good and bad. Like was D feelng lonely? Missed me? So… the 4 th is what I'm not sure about. I told W if she had plans I could work something out. But she has been letting me decide everything. Ow this weekend. "What time can I get D" "What works for you?" are things turning around?
Unfortunately, you may be looking into her actions too deeply. So many LBS's are looking for something, ANYTHING that looks like things are turning around and they want that "quick fix." You have to know that this is going to take A LOT of time. PATIENCE is the key.
Believe me on this.
Noticing little babysteps of positive interaction is fine... but take it for what it is. A babystep.
Originally Posted By: Lost2272
She still wants a divorce. Anyone here get back with S after getting divorced?
Remember, believe nothing of what they say. Do you know how many times my H has told me he wants to get divorced? And do you know how many times I've asked him "are you sure this is what you want?" In which his response was, yes.
As of today... he has not filed, he has seen changes in me that he likes, he wants to end his R with OW and move towards working on our M.
Just know that your W is confused. She feels that this is what she wants right now based on how she's feeling RIGHT NOW... so RESPECT THAT.
Continue to do things that make you happy and independent. And do it for yourself.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
As of today... he has not filed, he has seen changes in me that he likes, he wants to end his R with OW and move towards working on our M.
I do not say this to say that this will happen to everyone. I say it because I've heard those words before and I chose to follow my own agenda. Just because a spouse may say these things... it very well could be that they just don't know what they want but they do know that they don't want to feel the way they do anymore. And they associate that negative feeling with you.
So take off the pressure and give space. I know not thinking about her is super hard... believe me, I do. What so far has helped you the most in taking your mind off of your sitch?
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
Also, you never answered my question about your hobbies and strengths...
Make a list. Put your focus on this list and act on it.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I appreciate your advice. I am only taking these signs as baby steps and believe me they are better than nothing. I am GAL and concentrating on our D. My W has said many times that she wants a divorce but has done nothing about it but talk about it. Which tells me how confused she is. She has not filed, moved out or gotten her own bank acct. in DR it tells me to let my actions speak for me. Well it seems as though my W actions are speaking louder than her words. I have a large support group here and close to me. All of which are giving me confidence and self worth again. All of which I needed.
As for hobbies… Well that's a hard one. Mine were always family orientated. But I am trying to keep busy by hanging out with friends and keeping myself happy. I've learned that I can only control myself! So I am trying to control my happiness. It looks like D has noticed the stability that I have , which makes me feel great. It made me think today "even though I have made some bad decisions, what matters is what I am doing now"
