Hey NG. Thanks for checking in. I'm reading along, usually pretty quietly. That's a 180 for me!
Not much to report. P sent a newspaper article she thought I'd be interested in. She went on a week long biking adventure (her first) and called a few days into it to tell me how it was going. I strongly suspect that it was an accidental caffeine excess that day that had her awake enough to call that night. That's when she usually looks to me to help her get to sleep.
I'm still struggling with the bathroom project. I'm plodding along, but it's full of mental obstacles. It feels like a big test and there are a whole lot of opportunities to resent things (especially the idea of taking a test).
A friend asked if the project felt like a symbol of the relationship. Yeah, it's carrying an awful lot of weight.
I'm sorting through my feelings and dealing with emotional baggage. It's just a process. Today I'm thinking about the recurrent stress of not just taking another test, but the fear of flunking. It's gripping and that's not right. Needs some work.
I did have a great week on the road with Pia. Got some good, basic, clear ways to think about and address boundaries. She distinguishes between external boundaries (physical space and sexual touch) and internal boundaries (having to do with how we or others think, feel, or behave).
For people with certain abuse issues, the physical boundaries can be a big deal. They don't seem to be a big issue for me. It's the others. I often hear people talking about setting boundaries with other people to reduce their own discomfort. Pia is very clear that, unless the other person is engaging in major offense (i.e. abuse - disrespectful shouting, put downs, etc.) the boundary is maintained inside of us. Silently.
It is our job to observe. When the other person says something, we decide if we think it is true or not. If it is, then we take it in and process it. If it's not, then don't take it in. We let it drop, noting that it's what the other person thinks. The end. If we're trying to defend ourselves and change how they think then we're violating their boundaries.
