Feeling like a boomerang. Back again! ARG!!

[zig]

i think mac - if you start acting a bit indifferent and casual but NOT unloving - you have to find the balance - things will take care of themselves - in that she may herself not push things along too fast.

it's the dropping the rope kind of thing. as long as she senses your resistance (you pulling on the rope), then she has to pull too (her resistance). if you sudden;y stop pulling - then there's nothing to resist right, and she's left holding the rope wondering what happened?

oh, there's a lot of spoil sporting here - no one gets by with getting to fool themselves that anything is going to happen anytime soon!!! the trick is to quietly notice anything positive happening and feel encouraged to keep working towards your goal balanced with NO FRISKING EXPECTATIONS!!

and it's hard work - but the sooner you get to that state - the less of a roller coaster ride you'll have. because the WAS works you hard - they don't want to not have the option of changing their mind, so every time they feel you pulling back even the slightest, they get nice and try to draw you in, and then you get all expectant and they pull back to nastyville again.

so stay consistent in your behavior - if she's being nice, then take it was a sign that you're doing something right - but don't expect anything to turn around overnight.

go scream and shout elsewhere or come vent on this board, but in front of her or anyone else act as if you're just fine.

btw - maybe others will chime in - but the mutual friend - i would think twice - maybe she can be instrumental in mediating between you too -

hopefully someone else will chime in here about that. my own experiences finally showed me that there is nothing or no one that can convince h other than himself. and the only way he is going to be convinced is if in some way he sees that it's worth coming back - because things won't be the same as before.

the only way they can be convinced by that is if you work on yourself, work on the dynamics between the two of you and a lot of time.

are you considering the bootcamp thing - making small goals and sticking to them will give you some much needed focus at this early stage.

mac - just like the rest of us, in the early days one really thinks that any day this is going to turn around. since you went through this before - you know how it feels. use this time to figure out what didn't happen right last time , and start working on that.

and all of this you have to do on your own - you can't be asking her, because she will take it as pursuing. come check on the boards if you don't know what is the best thing to do, ask here, before you do it. read as much as you can - but most important - get yourself in a good place where you don't feel totally nutty all the time

also - just to give you something to think about - grin - worrying is a form of control. don't think about things that haven't happened yet - just stay as much as you can in the present. start practicing that every time your head starts to go nutty, change the thought to something else.

I'd rather it was the W in the driving seat

tsp tsk - bad attitude (grin!!) .

you need to be in control of YOUR life - don't give that power away to someone else. find out what it means to be empowered - we are all in the process of doing that - and it's very different from controlling. it means that no matter what someone else is doing , you feel in control of your own life and can still be a loving centered grounded supportive person. it means that you have absolutely no power over what someone else decides, even if it affects you dismally, and yet you keep your sense of self intact , and enough self-confidence and esteem to move forward and know that you will be okay.

to get to this state of self empowerment - takes a lot of work on our parts - it doesn't come easy. so find out for yourself if you are indeed ready to commit to all of that

have a great day - and give yourself a gift: put on a timer and don't think of your sitch for ONE whole minute!

zig