swimming with turtles and some guidance

[zig]

KD - i'm not one to leave something unresolved - too impatient (grin)

i get "thoughts" as i stand by the stove waiting for my tea to boil - so i'm thinking about your "be true to yourself" comment there and then i'm like - oh was he thinking that i was trying to buy some sexy swimsuit to seduce h?

so instead of mind-reading - i am asking, because it seems like you weren't going to reply

and just to clarify in case i gave the wrong impression - it's a big deal , a real 180 for MYSELF to wear something even remotely flattering - i never had the confidence before. i was confident about my abilities to do things, like work and stuff, but never about my body.

i see women all around me wearing what i always thought were rather revealing stuff (and i'm referring to short shorts and tank tops!!), and i never even dared to try them on. this swimsuit thing is for me - it's huge. it's proof that i have finally let go of the horrible long term effects of sexual abuse, and feel good and comfortable and accepting of my own body.

i had actually already decided to go for it before s made that remark, and it certainly didn;t influence me to take it for that reason. in fact since then i've almost felt uncomfortable about actually wearing it.

go figure....

and then here's another part of my personality - the blunt side that i;m trying to temper, but i hate unspoken stuff which still makes itself present in some way (i'm not talking about what you wrote, but actually changing the subject - just thought i'd start with you , grin)

so what i'm noticing lately for the first time on the boards - there's a split emerging about two approaches toward the idea of whether one should be intimate or not with their spouses. recently, a few people have said, including me, that their coaches are encouraging them to seduce their spouses.

and i sense that there is a certain amount of disapproval about that approach.

i guess i'm a bit confused - it is stated non-stop that the coaches and Michele are the experts - so if they are actually encouraging us to do this, how does that work with support on the board? not to mention them putting it as " start having an affair with your S"

so what are your thoughts on this, and would love to hear from others on the board too.

and i guess, just to be a tad bit wicked and light-hearted - heck if my sexy swimsuit makes him look twice, why should i care? i WANT him to look twice - does it only apply for certain things and not others?

and here's another little wicked thought (alongwith a big careless grin) - heck if OP can seduce all they like, why can't we? i guess some would say that that wasn't being true to ourselves

i guess i don't see the seduction as being so purely sexual. there is so much connection between 2 people that have been together for so many years, that this type of thing includes all of that . allowing that to be expressed even during the worst of the sitch - could that be seen as unconditional love, or is that some serious rationalization going on? (i'm not saying that's how i think, i'm throwing out things to consider)

i guess these questions have been on my mind for a couple of weeks now, and so i'm taking the opportunity to ask them now.
thanks for letting me use you as a sounding board here.

oh and further clarification, so you know where i really stand - i'm really on the fence about whether i would want to actually repeat what happened last weekend!!
zig