WE PROCEEDED ON II

[greenblue90]

Gunny
It's good to hear that you have optimism. Find happiness in yourself before you seek others.

[Rick1963]

Gunny you sounding good my friend. You and I are on the same time line and sadly same state. Keep up the good work. One morning you will open your eyes and things will no longer look grimm and dark. That day will be great.

[gunny]

Got an email from my stbxs yesterday, she is offering to meet me half way across pennsy to let me have the dog for a few weeks while she goes on vacation.

She lives right next door to her sister in Ohio, and could easily have had her sister watch him while she is gone, she very thoughtfully offered to let me have him. My first reaction is to jump at the chance, but I really dont want to see her right now, only because I think it could be detrimental to the detaching I have been practicing for the last 9 months. Havent seen her in 9 months and have only spoken by phone 3 times, although we email every couple of weeks.

I am thinking of asking her to drop him off at our cabin in Pennsy, where I can meet him after she turns around and heads back to Ohio.

Any thoughts? Has anyone had experience with seeing their wayward spouse after a period of time? Was it detrimental or did they find it useful. Thanks all for listening!

[Valeska19]

I had something similar happen in my sitch.

The first time around I accepted the offer.

Although I was glad to see my pets, I left on an emotional rollercoaster.

She offered again 5 months later. I thanked her but I declined.

It was hard at first. I love my pets to death...

..but what was the bigger picture.

For me, I didn't see my w and I sustaining a trading off pets relationship.

Eventually I would have to let them go.

So I did (super hard - one is 8, the other 5).

And I avoided the pain of seeing her too.

It was really hard at first, but I think it was a necessary step for me to protect myself. It was a small step to moving forward.

That is my experience - I'll let others chime in.

But at the end of the day - what is best for Gunny?

[gunny]

thanks valeska, appreciate your input. I havent decided yet, will sleep on it. Hope you are well, have agood day!

[any chance?]

Gunny:
As you know, I have significant recent experience with the visiting xW. Our situations are quite similar, although I am not sure of where you are mentally these days.

I love my xW, always have, always will. The collapse of our R was tragic, and it was wrong. Cannot go back however, can only move forward. Although I have no idea where my xW is headed, and I refuse to put my life on hold waiting for her, there is no doubt that the door is open a crack, and that I am open to whatever transpires in the future. Although there is a 99% chance she and I will never cross paths again, I will leave the door open just a crack.

Seeing my xW in May was good. It was good to see her, and she seemed to be glad to see me. There was no pressure, no deep conversations, no discussion of R at all. Just two people with a very deep connection enjoying time and space. I think it was good for her to see the new and improved me, and she said as much several times. Did the visit send me into a spiral? Not really, perhaps a bit, as you know, but in the long run I think it was good. Most people I talk to think it was bizarre, but what do they know? Bottom line: the visit was good, and I would do it again.

Key point is no expectations. Visiting your STBXW might be good, depending on your mindset. IMO, she does not just want to drop the dog off...she wants to see you. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Maybe she just wants to see if you can still be friends, maybe she is having second thoughts....no one knows but her.

I have been amazed at the length of time these things take. My xW will be gone a year in August, and I cannot predict the future. It would be a lot easier if I could just erase her out of my life, but I cannot do that. Not sure you can either, based on our previous discussions.

Give the visit some thought. Will it do more harm than good? Will it give you new tidbits of information that will help you understand your situation a little bit more? I suggest it might. If the visit is going to knock you back, then think twice. If you can keep things in perspective, perhaps it is worth taking a chance.

JMHO. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[gunny]

Anychance,
Thanks for the great post! Really gave me some additonal perspective on the matter. To be truthful, I had not even given it any thought that she might be dropping the dog off for a reason. Did not even enter my mind, but I guess anything is possible.

You sound like you are in a pretty good place. Glad to hear that you would still do the same thing if you had the chance to do it all over again. Good for you!!

For some of the WAW spouses out there, or for those of you who may have reconciled with their spouses, or for those of you with just general experience, is Any Chance's theory at all plausible?

Thank you all, thoughts would be most welcome.

[2thepoint]

Gunny - I think anything is possible as far as our WAW's are concerned. Personally, I agree that she wants to see you. What her motivations are, I cannot say. Maybe she just misses you, Gunny. Maybe she wants to see how you look. Maybe she still values your friendship. Bottom line, she seems to be using the pet as an excuse to see you.

If you are so inclined, maybe you can suggest that you both meet for coffee and do the pet hand off there. This way you are on neutral territory and if you both felt comfortable you could spend a few minutes catching up.

Just something to think about.

[kolja]

Gunny - I think anything is possible as far as our WAW's are concerned.

I find myself certainly hoping so...

[gunny]

2,
good suggestion,I will have to think on this one. It has been established that we will meet somewhere on either the 14th or 15th. I have time to mull this one over. Thanks for the input folks!