don't read anything into anything right now, and one thing that has worked for me is total acceptance - on every level - that shows her that you really validate her feelings and are not focusing on taking things personally.
so casually mention the braal - hey i like that new word, thanks - sort of indirectly as in - oh what 's the menu for the braal this week, or what time are people coming over and then the ball is in her court and she gets to initiate what she wants to do. if she just responds as if she expects it to happen, then casually go with it, like it's no biggie.
if she says i don't want to do it or i don't think we should, then get even more off hand - like it's no sweat off your back, and shrug and say oh cool, i was thinking i may go to the movies and then actually go. don't bother to invite her. if she asks to come, say casually sure, why not.
let her initiate, but don't press back or offer too much - act as if you don't really care if she;s around or not - it's the same to you.
do you get the picture? she's banking on you begging and pursuing - throw a little spanner in the works here to get her wondering where the heck you are really at. act as if , hey this scene is not so cool, i'm going elsewhere...
the more you distance LOVINGLY, without judgement or any indication to her that you disapprove what she's doing, the more she'll lean toward you to find out where you're at.
but ANY behavior on your part that you are upset or hurt or angry -as in for e.g.. i'm not having a braal with you after what you just pulled on me kind of stuff, will just keep her more determined to do it.
there - you have it easy - it took me 10 months to figure this out - but i also got to the point where i am willing to lose my r with my h - so maybe that helped. just trying to jump-start you straight there GRIN!!
MEANWHILE - work on those 180's and figure out what her grievances are and why (without asking!) and work on detaching and letting go of all the negative feelings you have towards her.
hang in there
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
