Interesting, he can go with this OW while still with you but needs to "officially end it with her" That doesnt compute.
JKS youre back sliding now. You're letting your feelings and emotions interfere with your goal.
Will you elaborate more on this?? Mostly your first sentence...
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
What I was pointing out was he left you to start another R with OW when your R together wasn't fully over.
I understand you want to have the family back together. This process is a long slow one. You're approaching a year now. Did you ever think you would make it this far?
Patience. You have a great chance to turn this around.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
My 2 cents is that it doesn't matter why the WAS comes back -- as long as they agree to "no contact" with OW and give you full visibility.
Pretend he comes back because someone bet him $10 that he wouldn't -- that's a crappy reason right? From my perspective, who cares? You now have a starting line and an opportunity. If you can be a spouse that only a fool would leave, keep up your 180's and meet each others needs, then in 12 months WHY the WAS came back won't matter at all -- you'll have the marriage you want and that's what matters.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Good point Ray ^^^^. I had thought that I would only consider allowing my w back if she decided on her own that she wanted to move forward with me in a better m, showed remorse,etc.. but it doesn't matter why they come back imo because as u said its what u do w/ the opportunity if they come back.
I disagree. If the REAL reason for their return is not one of sincerity, then the R won't develop.
She he comes back b/c it is financially easier to have a "room mate". He's there for the wrong reason.
From experience, only when the WAS truly commits to the R does it work. IMO.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
How can they truly commit right out of the gate? JKS says her husband was in pain in the M for 5 years -- it would be irrational to 100% commit without seeing promise that the new M can be better than the old one. That commitment needs to be earned it can't just be expected as a requirement to get started
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
From experience, only when the WAS truly commits to the R does it work. IMO.
BINGO
the issue is not whether they commit at some point but WHY they commit. Accuray's point, with which I agree
is that it does NOT MATTER WHY - IF THEY DO THE WORK...
I admit a big part of why I wanted my marriage to work was for my kids, and financial fears too...
NOT just ME being married to h...per se...and I ASSUME my h felt partly the same...
so what? We did the work.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
