I'm a new person

[sayitaintso]

V- IMO I think you need to get some space and really figure out what it is that you want because i see you going back and forth in a variety of ways. Which is fine and normal but it seems to be confusing yourself as well as your h.

You say you are done and don't want to live as things are and set boundaries and then allow h to cross them with no consequences. This is not a good dynamic for you to be establishing.

I felt disrespected when I saw him parked outside. I wanted him to know that I respected his need to leave and I didn't pressure him by parking outside his mom's house. I felt that he was pressuring me and making this decision more difficult for me.

You confronted him and established that you didn't want him doing this, good job.

First morning w no visit. breathe...
the positives: kids slept in an extra hour; there was no rush to get up; house is quiet; I'm sitting at the counter w D having breakfast with S; no rush to clean or make the bed

This seems very positive to me, how about you?

Is this weird? We actually talk A LOT more relaxed now. It's as if he's not worried I'll hurt him. Before he had a guard up every once in a while. Now he is SUPER comfortable with me. Talking about everything that runs through his mind (obviously not about R).

And if I don't pick up the first time he calls, he'll call about 4times on the cell and 4 times on the house phone.

He doesn't want me to move from the house to an apt. Said I should wait a year. I said, I was thinking of starting to work this fall. He recommends I wait a year.

I still need help with LRT...

Not weird at all, my w and I went through the same stage. Only mindreading here but if he feels like you are ok w/ his decision and have let him go then he doesn't feel the pressure and is more comfortable in opening up.

Assuming that in his mind he is no longer married to you and does not want to R is this type of communicating and relationship ok with you?

It doesn't matter if he doesn't want you to move or thinks you should wait to start working. What matters is what you think is best for you, which is? This is your life V, live it how you like w/ out worrying about what your h may think or how he may react.

IC told me not to move if I will feel guilty or resentful, especially if it's not in a good neighborhood. Instead focus on ending the morning routine. I don't have a problem with him seeing the kids everyday, but I don't want him coming over the house and acting as if we're a family.

Last night he cried and said, don't take the morning's from me. don't take my kids from me.
I said, I'm not taking the kids from you. YOU LEFT! that's when I decided he could pick up S4 at 8:30am to take him to school. Heck, he can pick him up earlier and take him to breakfast. I just don't want a R if he's still in limboland! I'm DONE!!

Yet you set a boundary and let him cross it. How are you done? I think its time for you to decide what is in the best interest for V and your kids and whatever you decide I think you need to hold the line, at least for a month or so. After that re-evaluate.