This is not looking good! (Long post...)

[scaredsilly]

mab1, you're in the initial panic stage now. it happened to me. i wanted an immediate fix to stop the pain and control the future.

i have abandonment issues, too. my parents got divorced when i was 5 so maybe, it's because my dad left the house.

i've been at this for months now and it does get better. but i still have sad days and days i cry.

i'm working on myself a lot and that helps. when i GAL, i see things that make me sad (like couples when i'm there as a single) but i try to move my focus to what's good and beautiful about the event.

in the beginning, i was sobbing almost non-stop. i'm retired so i had very little distraction. i couldn't eat, sleep, or think about anything else.

i went to my dr. and got anti-depressants, sleeping aids, and just a few weeks ago, some anti-anxiety medication.

all of it helps. do i have sadness and fear still? absolutely! but it's much less now. however as accuray says, when i get it, the intensity is still there but weakening.

some days, i even think a R with H would not be good. that's because i've grown and am really accepting responsiblily for my contribution to our sitch and i'm afraid he hasn't; at least, not enough for me to function at my best in a R with him.

so, really, this time apart is good for both of us. i'm growing and improving and he's growing and improving. his hostility towards me has lessened. his affection towards me is showing signs of increasing. he told me last week he feels closer to me.

i know you want this over with and back to how it was. but think about that. if it goes back to how it was, without growth on your part and hers, you'll be back here again.

as you're told in the beginning, you've been given the gift of time. use it wisely. live through this and get all you can from it. it will save your LIFE. in time, you'll be grateful for it.