Feeling angry tonight, which makes me feel suprisingly done and stronger. I don't think I dropped the rope, I think I threw it off a cliff.
H insists on meeting anyone, ie babysitters that comes into contact with d2/3. We had origonialy agreed that he could go with me when I pick them up in the morning. I was open to it thinking it was his way of spending time with me/chance to have a positive interaction.
After honestly pulling back and letting go I saw his train of thought as unrealistic. I don't know anything about him and he has to know everything about me? Even calling me to ask why I was not home? Who the he-- does he think he is? You can't treat me like crap for 6 months and expect to be so involved in my life!
It's like he wants the space of the divorce yet all the privilages of being my best friend and partner. A enemy wouldn't treat me as bad as he has. Get out of my life! Don't use the kids as a coward excuse to see me. You have your ow, your space, your happy new life. Get out of mine and let me live my life.
I sent him a text tonight that said...
(ME) "Don't worry about meeting up with me tomorrow. It is unrealistic to think that I will go out of my way to introduce you to everyone that will come into my girls lives, because I'm not going to do it. You can choose not to use April if you want, but you need to find your own babysitter. Unless I hear other instructions from you I am taking them to April's house on Monday"
(HUBBY) "why what happened?"
2 min later...
"I will meet you Sunday then cuz I work nights next week. Is that ok?"
(ME) (Nope. We have plans. U can pick them up from April's house"
(HUBBY) "Can I meet you outside Aprils then cuz I don't work that day so they don't need to go. Is that ok?"
15 min later...
"I don't know what I did to make you upset but I am sorry"
Does he really think that he can treat me the way he has and that I will bend to his every desire? There comes a point where the LBS (him) takes it too far. He crossed that line months ago. He made me homeless and was laughing at me! Too many things to list. You beat someone with a whip long enough that they just say screw you, go torture someone else. I'm gonna be happy and I don't deserve this.
He is out of his mind to think he can say "I don't want my girls going to that church" or "I am their father, I need to meet everyone that will watch them for the next 10 years of their lives"
Pssshh!
He even told me the other day "if you really want it (sex) I can hook you up later on this week? WHAT? You mean if I suffer long enough or if I'm good long enough you'll lie to ow so you can come over and "hook me up"? Uh, no. Do you think your ---- fell off of God?
Hope you like your life bc it's yours to own now.
**Are you understanding how fed up and disgusted I am right now?
I want to tell him how much he makes me sick. How I hope he loses 20 pounds just like I did once reality slaps him in the face. How I hate the fact that he is the father of my children bc little girls always look for a man just like their daddy. He is the last type of man I would want them to be with. How he is a damn fool if he thinks we could be friends. He doesn't even deserve to hear all of this, this deep hatred I am feeling right now.
I am not going to say a thing to him. Not answer a text,not even cuss him out. Nothing. Done. So long buddy. I hate the fact that you get to see me at (divorce) court bc you don't even deserve that much of a glance.
Idiot.
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
