I have been going to gigs and things on my own but it really upsets me. I've been forcing myself to do it but it just seems to focus me back on the reason I'm there - I'm trying to fill a gaping wife-size hole that has just appeared and nothing is coming close right now. I'm starting to worry that I may be making things worse for myself by hoping for reconciliation. She seems determined to do this and I'm equally determined not to and I'm going round in circles. Everyone tells me it gets better with time but right now I can't believe that a single future will ever match up with what we had together. Unfortunately, it seems to me that my wife not only does think it will be better but is actively forcing herself to want it.
