I'm a new person

[2chiquitos]

I finally got a sponsor. She is great and I hope to work the program as often as I can remember. It's so difficult to retrain your old bad habits.

I realize now that my attempt at LRT was fueled by anger/resentment. Since it wasn't well thought out I wasn't detaching. I was pushing him off a cliff.

I had told myself before that if I still felt like detaching when I wasn't angry, then it was time to LRT. But I was driven by anger and now I'm regretting my attempts.

H has been coming over everyday. Funny, I never told him of my regrets. He said he was going to be coming at 8:30am to pick up S4, but came at 7am... To be honest, I was glad.

I was worried to sound wishy washy or flip flopping but I don't care anymore. I need to LRT when I'm ready and I'm not ready if I'm going to be going back and forth.

God I need help...

Our MC asked me for an individual session after I told him I didn't want to go to coparenting therapy anymore. At the session I told him everything and he suggested I express myself to H. Tell him to keep the apt, tell him that I would like to try to work it out, tell him that if he could spend the night once a week and after I tell him all this, tell him he doesn't need to respond right away. Just leave it at that and see what happens.

MC said, he shows signs that he's afraid to come back and that if I'm ok with him slowly coming back to encourage it. I told him that he's still contacting OW and he said that it's up to me depending on my boundaries but from what I had told him about how often H comes over, MC thinks he wants to come back but is scared (of things not working out) and that the R with OW is diminishing.

I need to keep going to my meetings! I need to work my program (al anon)! I need to continue GALing! I need to work through my anger!!!!!

God help me!