How many licks does it take...?

[2thepoint]

After careful consideration, below is how I responded to my W's email about the planned family event that she did not want me to attend:

"I would have liked to have gone. I love your family as if they were my own, probably more. But if you don't think it is a good idea for me to go, then so be it. I understand. I do think that we should not be misleading the boys. If you don't think it is a good idea for me to go, then tell the boys exactly that. I think we owe them that. Don't you?"

She hasn't responded to the email, but I know she has seen it. So that is done and I will live, regardless, with my integrity intact.

==========================

Yesterday was our 19 year wedding anniversary. I also had an early morning session with my IC and we discussed the anniversary, the email, my trip and then he noticed I wasn't wearing my ring any longer and was interested in what that was all about.

I told him that it is becoming more clear to me that W is not taking any steps to come closer to me so I need to take steps to move farther away. I had been thinking that I was keeping the road home smooth and paved by always being there to rescue my wife, but a friend explained that the road that needs to be smooth and paved is a different one than the one my W is currently on.

The road she is on needs to be full of bumps and potholes for her to ever see that the other road, (the smooth one back to a healthy marriage) is better than the one she is on now. My C also believes that there has been an awful lot of cake eating going on and that my W keeps asking for more frosting. It is pretty pathetic that I keep falling for it. But no more!

So back to the anniversary. I stopped by the house to take the boys swimming and W says "today is our anniversary!" "So it is," I reply. "It was a a great day!" she says. "Yes it was," I reply. And that was it. Nothing exchanged, nothing else said and it was the first day W saw me without my ring.

======================

During my little getaway which involved a 2 hour flight and some drive time, I got 3 calls. One was from a real estate broker calling to arrange an appointment to discuss me joining their team. One was from a former colleague who had a position that might be a fit. And the third was from a friend and former boss calling to inform me that she was starting fiscal 2013 budgeting and planning and wanted to get a copy of my resume.

It is amazing what happens when you stop paying attention and start getting on with your life!