WHG: And so we file...

[workinghardguy]

Well right now I don't see her as an equal partner or any type of partner, because she's not my partner.

If we were to recon that would be the challenge. To pull myself back, set boundaries, and say I'm your partner not your dad, caretaker, big brother, etc... And she would need to work on not pulling the triggers she knows she can pull to get me to caretake such as guilt, withholding sex, anger, outbursts, and targeting the kids.

Where I still struggle in pulling myself back from caretaking is the concern that she will sink if I don't help, and that if she sinks she takes the kids down the hole with her. And while I do struggle internally I think I've done fairly well in not caretaking. Her money problems, family problems, etc... are not my issue.

But it's sooo easy... just a few days ago I picked up the kids. When I walked in the living room I found her angry because her new couch was broken. She asked me ideas on how to fix it. I told her that from where the break was I couldn't see a lasting fix. Then she slid on over to having a guy friend of her's come over to try and fix it. Of course that triggered some weird jealousy thing and I pointed out it has to be covered under warranty. Dealing with corporate BS is not her strong point so I started down the path of helping her find the warranty, explaining it... but I pulled back. And when I say "down the path" that was a path in my head, not something I actually did.

Instead it was simply, "hey... that should still be under warranty. If I was you I'd be calling them first". And then left.

But it is sooo easy.