GridLocked

[MrD]

Hi,
I'm still "Gridlocked" on moving out.
Here is what's going on.
I have a great new job on a regular 1st shift starting in 10 days and I've opened my own individual bank account to direct deposit funds from selling my selfish hobby stuff and for direct deposit for my new employer. The new position is going to require working about 10-12 hours a day at first for a few months. This is going to be nice for the financial situation as well as the pay increase.
I've been looking into renting a townhome about 15 miles away from where I live now and closer to the new job. It's hard to decide and know exactly what I should get since I've never lived on my own before. My plan is to let the W have primary custody and I'll support her and the boys with medical and what I can afford limited financial support. The W says she's looking for a job but nothing yet. So things would be still very rough for her to live and support S7 & S12 and her grandma without support from her mom.
The Pastor at the church my wife and I go to has been advising me to stay with the family and "fight evil with good" philosophy. And be a good father and start doing more disciplining, as the W has done most of that for the past 10 years. I’ve never done this before and it’s difficult with our situation as she and I disagree on allot of this. W has more experience at this and I have very little. One topic is the fact that S12 spends 2/3 of the week over at one of his best friend’s house and their family instead of at home. I don’t feel this is healthy for him and it makes it difficult for me to know him. The W knows the friend’s parents better than I, but I still feel that is not the right way to live.
All my friends are telling me to move out and show her the consequences’ of her choice. I’m having difficulty trying to talk to the W now as she does things as ignore something I ask, and I know she heard me but pretends not to listen and when she does there is no eye contact and very limited response (i.e. short comments, instead of a conversation).
As far as W’s relationship with her old boyfriend, I don’t think they see each other as often now, but still feel there is communication thru texting as she spends allot of time secretly on her phone.