good signs, bad signs, or nothing at all

[labug]

Click on his name in the left pane and a dropdown will appear. At the bottom is View Posts.

[MrBond]

"Why is it so bad to tell her now how i feel?"

Because she doesn't care. Like everyone said, re-read DB or DR.

Right now it's all about her and what SHE feels. it [censored], but right now that's how you have to see things.

[confusedfather]

Well I went against everyone's advice and had the conversation anyway. She said she has let go. But she has also noticed the changes I have made, without me bringing it up. The result was expected so i am not too upset. She also told me she found a place and will begin moving stuff out. Not too unexpected there either. I know I have done everything i could for us and can now detach and focus on myself and the kids. I am scared and excited at the idea of going out and GAL. Tomorrow I will get a membership to a local gym. Not sure what to do after that. We agreed that we will begin talking about the things and finances to divide in the next couple of days. I could use some advice on establishing boundaries and maybe some insight into what to expect emotionally after she moves out and the reactions I could expect from my children. Really nervous about that.

[labug]

Have you talked about telling your children?

What kind of boundaries do you want to establish?

Do you read other threads here?

[hopeful lbs]

i was reading your post, and wanted to know more about your story. im in a similar situation, but W hasnt told me she wants to leave since our inital talk back in feb. send me a message or if you want we can exchange emails.

[confusedfather]

She wants to wait until she actually is ready to move before we tell them. I don't know if that is a good idea or not. part of me feels we should tell them now.

I don't know where to start with boundaries. I am still trying to get my thoughts together to sort this one out.

I have been reading a lot of the threads and getting some ideas. One boundary for sure is OM is not allowed on my property to help her move. W will not be able to use my truck if OM is involved in helping her move. There are two. Probably with a little though I can come up with a lot of boundaries.

[LostIn407]

This is going to be a tough time, just put your head down and get through it.

Definitely set up a Visitation Agreement now if you don't already have one. Set it up under the worst case scenario, something you can live with if it all goes bad.


Believe nothing they say and half of what they do (Or something like that)

W told me she had let go. W told her sister she saw zero chance of us getting back together. W said....

Two months later and it is slowly changing. This is all normal script stuff. GAL and 180s.

Be the best dad you can be when you have your kids. Be selfish for you when you don't.

[confusedfather]

Well put Lost. This stuff is so counter-intuitive that sometimes you wonder how it can work. I will check out your thread and see what i can learn from your sitch.

[confusedfather]

W has found a place and starts moving things out tomorrow. She made up a list of what she wants to take. I honestly don't think she thought it through unless she will just sit on the floor. But i am not going to offer anything. We are going to type up a list of division of property, division of finances, and custody agreement, which we will each sign. Any changes in with one of those agreements will be done as an addendum. If this makes it to a legal separation I thought those papers would be good to have.

Now the part that [censored]. We agreed to tell the kids tomorrow evening. She wanted to wait until she was ready to move in, but i said she needed to tell them before she left, so she is not leaving me to answer their questions and consoling them. Pray for me. I have a feeling this next week will be harder than anything i have faced yet.

[labug]

I hope you're planning to tell them together together and not make either of you the evil-doer. Your kids love you both and deserve to see you handle this in an adult manner.

Good luck, I know how painful this is.