New attitude, new thread

[ClingingToHope]

I've been mentally at war with myself for several years. When I'd get upset with XW -- even before she was XW -- I'd stop myself and say, but I love her, I want this to work out. What's wrong with me?

The truth is -- I really realized this last week -- is that I don't like XW. I haven't for a long time. I don't respect her intelligence. I don't like her choices. I don't want her lifestyle. I wouldn't want to live such a confined life. I've been faking it with her for a long time.

She's a nice person who always has been deeply unhappy and jealous of everyone who is more personable than she is.

Why did I marry her? Well, my mom pushed me into it. She was beautiful and we were getting along great. But marriage hadn't crossed my mind when my mom offered to give me my grandmother's wedding rings. If I had to actually save the money, based on what I was making at the time, who knows if the lust would have petered out well before an actual wedding. The red flags started popping up during the engagement, but I ignored them.

I also thought I could change her -- that she'd want to follow me to new and exciting places.

Instead, as time went on she turned out to be very different from what I thought/hoped I was marrying.

So now there's freedom in this sentence. I don't miss XW, but I do really miss my daughters.

Now I can stop fighting myself mentally and doing things that would present myself in the best light if she ever changed her mind and wanted me back.

Now I have to figure out how to deal with her without having it affect my daughters. Kids can tell when you don't like someone. I have to get better at the balancing act of keeping XW and Uncle Fester as separate as possible from my life without making it obvious that I just can't stand to be around her, her friends or her family.

That's a tough trick and one I have to get right.

So time for a new thread.

I am finishing up my umpiring marathon. I am having a party Saturday night at my house. I am preparing for another week of vacation with the girls, with a third to follow in August.

Things are good, very good right now. Beginning July 13, I'll also be able to relax for a few weeks. Catch up on projects. Get back to working out. That's taken a back seat with all of the umpiring.