don't really have much to say. He came, he talked, he left.
He walked in and said it smelled amazing (I know. ha) I showed him what was in the oven and said you're welcome to stay and he said...I can't but thank you.
We talked about the day trip S and I went on last week that he'd wanted to go to. He even said oh, I wish I had gone when I was telling him the stories. He laughed quite a bit. I told him about some possibilities at work for advancement and he said that was really good. He interrupted me and complimented me on my blazer and my shoes. (????)
He told me a bit about their weekend. He asked me about mine. We talked about S's birthday. I told him we were planning to see a movie and he was welcome to come. But that I knew it was the same night as this event she would want him to go to. I said you might have to go to that and kind of smirked. He said oh, yeah I might and rolled his eyes. I said well you know if you need an out...and grinned. (because honestly I don't care about respecting that whole thing...whatever.)
The whole event they went to last weekend was poorly planned and not at whole how I would have done it. Which kind of made me smirk. I hope he had fun but I also kind of felt like it was the same old thing with him 80%. It's hard to explain but he was always missing out on things because of half-assness. If that makes sense.
He also told me he couldn't pay me his portion of a bill until Friday because he was overdrawn. Didn't you justify moving in with her because it was cheaper and now you're still overdrawn.
He also told me a story about buying a new toy and his coworker saying you know you're going to fix it, play with it, and then not want it anymore. And he said yep that's exactly what I did I haven't touched it once although I did go on ebay and buy these accessories. I sorta laughed and said typical and he said "different day, same H" I had no idea what to say to all that.
A friend of mine invited me to her wedding today. I was really touched because I know money is tight and they both have big families so I never assumed I would get an invite. But we were talking about wedding plans and I thought two things:
1) a few months ago the idea of going to a wedding would have given me a panic attack and now I am honestly 100% so so happy for her and excited to be going.
2) we were talking about wedding cakes and I mentioned my wedding and I remembered how my wedding was never the wedding I wanted. I made compromises from the venue, to the ring, to the proposal. I just kept saying those things weren't important because our R was what was important. But it was that 80%, him doing "just enough" and me convincing myself that it was good enough. I just felt like he was being lazy. And it's something that's come up in our R and our S and everything over and over again.
I have a friend who's been divorced for 10 years. He left when her kids were 3 and 21 months. She told me that her sons can't even imagine her and XH being a couple because they are SO different. H sat across from me in the living room today and it's a bit how I felt. I belong standing next to someone like I met this past weekend...and he's this irresponsible overgrown kid.
Sorry if I don't sound loving. We did have a lot of laughs tonight. I'm not bashing...I'm just able to be more and more objective.
