So I can't figure out how to handle this anymore. I am trying to show her my dependability and trustworthiness. At the same time I want to detach. Is that possible. Maybe just give her the space she wants but be there at arms length when she needs something? That way she knows I can be trusted and counted on but I am also listening to her needs?
W has contacted me 3 times today. One call when she arrived in Utah for funeral to ask how D was this morning. I told her fine and could sense the sadness. (She could have just texted or called D herself. Weird that she called me). I just told her "Sweetie, take care". It was just out of habit & concern. First text was to let me know where to look up obituary online. I told her thanks & that I had had already been trying to look it up. Second text was her telling me that her grandmother loved a cd that I made for her & that she says thanks. I just responded with that I was glad she liked it. A lot of contact from her today about just little stuff. Maybe she is missing my support and dependability? She didn't have to contact me with any of this info. Yet she did. She's thinking about me and it feels good. Baby steps.
Took D to dinner & movie tonight. Had a great time. W called 3 times & texted once while in the movie. Probably misses D. We called on way home. W told me about her family & how sad they all are. I asked how she was holding up. She told me it was her worst day ever. Seems every time she has a bad day it is "Her worst day ever" . I just thought to myself "at least her worst day ever isn't about me today". W told me they made a slideshow of her cousin that past. There were a couple of pics of me in it. Said she got a copy and would show me when she got home. D was feeling a little under the weather so I told W and she recommended some medicine. Told her I already took care of that this morning but needed something for the night. She wasnt sure if we had anything at home so I stopped at the store & got something. Had to call her for recommendation as to what to get. I confess, she is better in that dept than I am. I guess I should have just figured it out myself but I question myself a lot & always want to be sure. I guess a 180 would just to be more decisive and not over analyze everything. Well, I guess I'll see what tomorrow brings. Enjoying time with D.
During the movie with D, I realized how good of a father I dont always need my W around. I think that was one of my problems, too clingy. It's just that we always had so much fun all together and enjoyed the same things. Maybe if W would have said something we could have figured it out sooner. I dont know. It's not hers or my fault. Maybe a little of both. Today I thought to myself that maybe this whole mess was necessary in order for me to see my faults and to become a better person. If it hadnt happened I would still be hurting my W. It was time for me to find me again. Im just sad that it had to hurt everyone that it has. Hope it works out.
Sounded like W said ILY twice on the phone. Once yesterday morn & once tonight. Probably out of habit. But hasn't said it in three months so I'm not sure. Probably just emotions from funeral. I only responded with ILY once on second call. I need to get back on track of going gray. Need some advice on that. Anyone?
Feeling empty today. Maybe it's he rejection that I'm feeling. Plus, W might be coming back tomorrow. I worry about seeing her because of the rejection I get from her. I had a good mindset at the beginning of the month but then things went south. I had a great attitude. I was acting as if everything was going to work out eventually. Even led to going on a mini vacation together where everyone had fun. But when we returned W wanted to get away from me and seems to be cold and irritated at everything I do. Except when she really needs me. I miss being paid attention to. I miss being worried about and asked how my day was & listened to. I need to get that back. I need to get that attitude back where I'm feeling good about myself and confident. I feel it when I'm with our D. I need, I need, I need. Maybe that's what I really must work on. ?
Feeling empty today. Maybe it's he rejection that I'm feeling. Plus, W might be coming back tomorrow. I worry about seeing her because of the rejection I get from her. I had a good mindset at the beginning of the month but then things went south. I had a great attitude. I was acting as if everything was going to work out eventually. Even led to going on a mini vacation together where everyone had fun. But when we returned W wanted to get away from me and seems to be cold and irritated at everything I do. Except when she really needs me. I miss being paid attention to. I miss being worried about and asked how my day was & listened to. I need to get that back. I need to get that attitude back where I'm feeling good about myself and confident. I feel it when I'm with our D. I need, I need, I need. Maybe that's what I really must work on. ?
The psychology is injected during your interaction and thoughts of her. I completely understand. Try to have almost no communications for the next three weeks and take care of yourself and any matters that you must attend to. See how you feel then.
When you inject her back, and perhaps her indifferent attitude, sceptism, perhaps looking at you like your dead because she is off with someone else. In the current interaction you are being used, you know it and you do not like it. It will raise doubts about self, insecurity and create lowered self esteem.
As they say, you can't overanalize this stuff, it will paralyze you. But you have put the 2 and 2 together behind her and it makes you feel bad.
Take care of yourself and take some advice from some of the db vets.
Talked to brother today about sitch. He told me about how long it had been 5-6 months. I had to correct him and tell him it's barely going on 3. It surprised him. Told him that some days it feels longer & others it feels like it just happened. Guess that tells me a lot. 1. That W probably feels like it just happened 2. That this is still just the beginning 3. If it seems like that long to him I wonder how long it seems to D & W 4. No wonder W still wants divorce & is so angry. The hurt is still fresh.
Can't stop thinking about the sitch today. Just going over every aspect of it over & over. I'm usually ok when I get home with D. Anyone have any advice or words of encouragement out there?
Lost can you get out and do some exercise, or take a walk or see a friend. Maybe a funny movie....
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
