My ex tells me to get on with my life-- So,recently, I've gone out with an attractive successful woman a few times...kind of dating-
So you decided to do this because your w suggested it?
What is it that you want to do?
I would suggest that you are not ready yet to date while you still have feelings and hope for your w.
Regardless of that though it seems like you are still making your own personal decisions based on how it will affect your chances of reconciling or what your w will think.
Its time for you to make your decisions based on what you feel is best for you. Regardless of what your w may percieve it as.
Say, I know it sounds juvenile- but I can't imagine NOT having feelings for my xw or hope of reconciling. GAL & seeing a C individually hasn't dimmed my feelings, hopes ... or lonliness. I've been totally open and honest with everyone... The person that I'm friends with/ seeing casually is also divorced and it is nice to talk with/see someone who has their life together after having everything turned inside out. I let my wx know...maybe deep down I was hoping it would make her jealous...I don't know...Maybe I was asking for permission- after being 100% committed for 18+ years I feel as though I'm being unfaithful. Maybe this should be Friday's topic with the C. ... along w/ dealing with jealousy on my part- She says that she isn't seeing anyone, but images etc run through my mind and it hurts so much!
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't think its juvenile at all, I still have those feelings some times as well.
I think with time and maybe some space your perspectives will change but everyone is on a different personal timeline.
You may not realize you have moved into a new phase until you are already there.
I get the feeling of being unfaithful. My w has been out of the house for almost 11 months and I have had a few opportunities to date or explore female company or companionship and it is an awkward feeling to me.
I felt guilty and also unfaithful when I thought about taking that step.
So for the time being I am doing my best to work on myself and be the best father I can be. That is all I have control over.
I hope you session on Fri goes well. Keep posting.
Any tips to deal with jealousy? My C,xw & friends tell me to forget about it- move on & I don't have a right to be jealous anymore. Easier said than done---its eating me up. I WAS doing so well, some serious back sliding lately. Going back to basics- Printed out the "37rules" and I vow to read them again-twice a day- every morning and evening. I've noticed that the jealousy is tearing me apart...unable to concentrate & interacting with ex has become an emotionally painful experience for me. Everyone tells me that I'm awesome & can have almost any women...unfortunately, the woman that I want ( my ex) is not ready to work of a new R with me. Sometimes the Love feels more like hate, if that makes any sense at all?!
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
P that's the controlling side of u. Isn't that what got u here? Let go and maybe she will come back. Explain the jealousy issue. Is she having an A?.
She knows you are there waiting for her. Until she knows that you are not there any longer waiting for crumbs nothing will change. She sees it smells it feels it.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. ... To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" it not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings, and correct them.
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less, and love more.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Prior to the D, she was acting secretive, traveling alot, a whole new set of clubbing friends half her age, ...many things that add up to an A but no real proof. She said No. She is dating now- this week the D was final, so legally I have no right to feel jealous...but emotionally it is a slap in the face. I'm going back to basics-- just need to detach & get on with my life...just still hurts so >?*&% much.
(F.K.A. Broken422)
US 40's M 17,T 19 2 BOYS 13,16 Divorced 4/2012 11/2011 W SAID SHE WANTS D
"When it is dark enough,you can see the stars"- Ralph Waldo Emerson
