In home separation? Off / On? Still WAW? Dunno

[breakdownbill]

She is strange about certain things and I've had to learn to just accept that. She has two bedrooms, and they are full of antique dolls and she won't move them. Fair enough - but the dolls are more human to her than humans are!!

I know everyone has their weird little thing that keeps them happy - but at the expense of 2 guest bedrooms in your house?! I'll reserve judgement, but we both know that's a bit OTT!!

it's a good idea to see your W as your primary family and other family comes second because she is your teammate.

I couldn't agree more Yankee & that's been one of my biggest 180's since starting DB - I hope your H gets the importance of that to.

What I'm finding is that there isn't a whole lot of R talk either - but there still is a lot of talk about the past and his resentments. I'm learning to validate him as much as possible, and learning slowly to validating my own self as well in this process.

I think you will know when you know.

Great advice about the validation & I guess you are right about knowing. It's also about hanging in there & giving things a chance to hang there, subtle changes over a longer period of time, mean so much more than one off outlandish gestures.

If you are still unsure about where she stands with the OM, well, you are still in limbo land for sure. But, what is going to make it change?

Once again YC, great question. Without having a direct conversation (which I'm not going to & probably wouldn't believe any version fully), I'm looking for signs that will tell me that my W is engaged with our R. When my W starts wanting to spend time with just me on my own doing fun stuff, going out for a meal,movies,coffee,drinks & starts wearing her rings again. If these things happened I would have much less of a trust issue with my W.

I would like her to stop dancing with the OM whether it is over or not, but we are not really at a position to discuss these kind of things without it turning into an R conversation. I've promised myself I'm not going to initiate an R conversation, so that if my W does bring it up it was not pressured on my behalf. Questioning her about the OM would just seem like I was controlling, plus it would probably set back all my good work. Don't get me wrong I want to know either way, but the way I find out or I'm told either way is just as important to me (if that makes sense)

Patience can seem so hard sometimes

I feel like I'm taking it step by step, like when you get into a cold pool & you walk in bit by bit.

I'm definitely bored, job hunting isn't going to well, because I can only work evenings, things are slow in this downturn.

On the plus side I got a First class degree, which means in Sept when I start my teaching course I'll get the equivallent of a $1,450 a month bursary, which will take the pressure off financially & I won't have time to be bored.

On the down side when I start that course, I'll have to balance my time much better with my W and family & studies as it will be so much more intense this course I'm doing.

Oh well a day at a time hey.

Bill