In home separation? Off / On? Still WAW? Dunno

[breakdownbill]

family members call and ask how you are. i'm afraid to call them because i don't know what he's told them.

I think you've hit the nail on the head as to why my W won't go round & see my parents anymore. I think it's a front in some part to avoid the shame of cheating. Thing is it is only my other sister that knows most of what happened & I know she won't have told them anything.

The validation of your W complaining in a bitter and condescending way about your Mum, is a balancing act. I might agree with half of what she says and try to show her that I understand how she feels, but I'm not about to start joining in. I sometimes wonder if that's what my W needs to hear from me, me saying lots of things about my Mum, for her to feel validated. Well if it is, I'm not doing it.

maybe my expectations are unrealistic but i have done so much for his mother, sisters, kids, and other relatives. they always said i was family.

I can totally understand why you'd feel like this and why you don't feel like family in this situation. I think this is a totally normal reaction on both parts, his family & how you feel.

if my H and i R, i will want much smaller doses of his family.

This is exactly how my W feels & ironically it's how I feel anyway. I've been seeing my family less and less, without my W, so I guess it's an action that she can see that things are different there & that we would see them less if we R.

Thanks SS - that helped me a lot.

Bill