I'm not sure really what jump started it. Throughout the process I only had 2 slip ups from a pursue mode. I did give her space. At the end I finally accepted her threats of D verbally but NEVER pushed a D. I basically said I accept your decision. I even showed up to mediator and found a 1 year lease to a condo. I also started looking for a job. I own my own business. I also consistantly went to counseling and still do. I did GAL every night. I mean every night I GAl'd.
Even Michele says sometimes they snap out of it. But somewhere there is a bullet list of 27 things not to do. Follow them. Do not pursue. Act like your ok with moving on. At the end I was ready to live a single life. I was putting the pieces together to do that .
Hardest thing to do is detach . I never ever did. Ask kd lol. I certainly didn't obsess about situation at night cuz I GAl'd .
every sitch is different . For me my daughter had event. Me and w joked and laughed like old days. We were intimate that night. She actually cried after which bugged me the F out. We've been intimate ever since but just 2 weeks of being back home and all tfe fun and intimacy she telling relatives just for kids and one day I'll get the balls to leave me. I was like is this lady for real? But I told myself she just saving her face. She told everyone including kids it was over. 1 month later we still joking and intimate .
I've learned to give space and not react to her foolishness. That's the key NOT react. It's like taking oxygen out of a fire.
We have so much work . Communication is weak. But there is a time and place to start these conversations.
For example tonight we are alone. I want to talk about things. But she exhausted and actually we just chilled.
I really don't understand how I'm back home but I am. I never ever gave up and if you heard the crap my W spewed out her mouth and through email u would be blown away
Ok I fd up. Was out to eat the other day with wife and her aunt called me and I said it was someone else . I panicked didn't want to ruin the positive strides we made. I don't even know why I lied but my W confronted me on it and I admitted I did it. She is really upset I lied and all I could do was explain I panicked. Don't know what to do from here. I'm wrong and six weeks back i let her down . Sad thing her aunt Just calling to see how things were but I didn't want my w to think i was snooping so I panicked like an idiot. But I just pissed all over the trust thing
I am constantly questioning myself. If you look at my thread, I had a recent screw-up. It sounds like your being hard on yourself, no one’s perfect. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it.
I am also hard on myself. I think it’s because we care and our marriages mean so much to us. As I am sure you know, we probably try harder than most people going through this and I will always know I am doing everything within my power. I will NEVER say that I didn’t give it my all!!! I am thinking you can probably agree with me on this one.
Me(M):37 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 8 D: 4 W wanted separation 5/5 Stopped living together 5/5 Currently in DB stage
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude”. Thomas Jefferson
First of all, you can't keep beating yourself up. You haven't had a chance to deal with any of YOUR anxieties because frankly your W hasn't helped you to deal with them. That's a big issue because SHE's the reason your anxiety came out in the first place.
Right now she is acting purely selfish. She has no intention (at least right now) of helping you to heal. Right now it's the same as before - it's about what SHE wants.
When you put your foot down and actually act and do what YOU want to, it will help your anxiety because you will no longer be afraid that she's scrutinizing every move you're making.
She has no right to place you under a microscope. She should be lucky that you actually want your M to last. Right now she feels like she has the power and can cut it off at any time. It's not a good position for you to be in right now. You have to be the one to call the shots.
Start disagreeing with you when you honestly feel things aren't right. Don't let her continue to walk over you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
