A New Path - I just left my wife

[tpc1977]

I did not abandon.

I took two days off from work and spent time with my kids. Arrangements have been made to spend even more time with them. I'm going over there tomorrow evening and seeing them.

I actually haven't abandoned my wife either. I have been over there making sure she has everything she needs. I brought groceries while she was at work, I did the laundry, the girls and I cleaned the house for her, I made plans to come over and cut grass.

My plans are to remain steadfast with who I became 3 years ago when my wife first had a, supposed emotional, affair. When I became a new man it stuck. I will remain that new man to show her it was not just for her - it was for me. So in showing this I will be the same loving, happy, caring, understanding gentleman as normal.

In other news:

My wife text me yesterday. She wanted to talk so we text back and forth for a little bit. She mentioned that she missed me and wanted me back in her life. She keeps saying that it wasn't her decision for me to leave and that the relationship with this guy is not like I think it is.

Here's my thing. I told her under no circumstances should she be talking or seeing this guy and if she did I would leave. The last time this happened she was texting dirty stuff back and forth with him. I saw it. I should have had the coconuts to leave then but I stuck with it. That was several years ago.

I told her last night that I'm tired of the lies, the cover ups, the foggy info. If I felt she was lying then the conversation was over. In a long text, I asked if what he was to her, had they had sex, was he supplying her drugs, etc.

And that's the other thing. I think I saw pot on our bedroom dresser right out in the open. It looked as though it was spilled accidentally. I didn't examine it but left it alone as I cleaned up other stuff and got some more clothes. She will not get her life back in order. She abandoned her NA, her 12 step program, her nursing license, and trying to regain a hold of herself. Over and over she kept telling me she didn't know what she wanted - a happy life with me or the crap she was doing and this other guy.

Last night she also text me saying she wants a happy life. Happy with herself. She said that if she could obtain that then everything else would fall into place. I told her that's what I've been saying all along. She agreed.

For the most part I've went dim though. I will not contact her directly. I will not go in the house when she is home. I will wait until she is gone. I've kind of made it as though I'm there in spirit. She still sees this man that I became several years ago, but she doesn't see me physically much.

Now yesterday morning I did sit outside with my daughter and dog in the shade and talked and played with them while my wife was getting ready for work. The cool thing is, I had on a new, nice shirt that looked pretty dang sweet on me and I was projecting only awesomeness. My wife came out to leave and I was leaning against my car. I smiled, waved and went back to talking to my daughter and playing with my dog.

We didn't finish our conversation last night. I went to a training race so we had to end it. I'm also training with some more friends tonight. We may not talk for a while if I have the choice. The wound is too fresh and I'm too happy right now. (How can I possibly say that? I can't believe it, but it's true.) I've dropped those last few "goal" pounds in just 3 days. I'm standing taller, I'm smiling more, I'm hanging out with my best friend every day, I'm not eating southern-cooked food, and I think I look great. Oh ... and I'm finally looking around and noticing women peer in my direction. That's a boost right there. Twice yesterday and once the day before at the library. My daughter and I checked out a few books. I want to read the first two James Bond novels.

More later.