from the WAS to being walked away on

[strongerthanever]

-update-

Not sure why but OW presence is les felt, possibly even gone. H began texting me Sunday out of the blue. He was asking for advice on how to react to d2/3 and what to feed them. After being separated for 6 months? He sounded as if it were his first week with them and he needed advice.

One thing that stood out was the terms he used such as "our" daughter, not just calling her by her name. Also said things like "I'll have to remember that", "I'll go get that" and "I loved when you cooked that".

He mentioned my dramatic weight loss. I replied something along the lines of how I had been so depressed but that I was happy and in a much better place.

Checked my pride at the curb (per 25's advice) and allowed the convo to progress into sex talk. I left the door open for it to occur.

Interesting, he called me at 5:30 am the next morning asking me why I wasn't home. ?????

I work in the hospital and just this past week switched to the night time shift. H realised and began asking about d2/3's care. He isn't happy about them "bouncing around daycare providers". He doesn't like any changes that they have to go through. I hate it, but what did he expect? I just replied that this is their new normal.

He mentioned my dramatic weight loss, to which I replied something along the lines of "I know, I use to be so depressed and did not have the desire to eat. But I am at a much better place now and am really happy. My weight is starting to come back on thanks to cardio kick boxing!" (kick boxing is a huge 180)

I let him know that I did not hate him or hold a grudge. I also told him that I wished him the best and that I was so happy to finally see him happy again. He told me he was happy to see me happy again too. Part of me wonders if he thinks I'm happy that he filled for D? But I know, stay out of his head. My words were genuine though. I AM happy and I DO wish him the best. I had a good cry after that text.

I know to stay out of his head. It would seem that he doesn't like the side effects of this new life we are living. Reality will really hit home next Monday, when we have our initial status confrence with the courts. Or in the final days before the decree is signed.

If all things go as planned he will have his D in about 60 days. I'm actualy glad the timer has started, at least I know at some point this will end. He has let me know time again that he is confused. Perhaps the finality of everything will hit as inch closer to September.

When those helpless feelings take me over I remind myself that I will be ok. I make myself eat normal meals. I think for now I'm just focused on my wellbeing and being the best mommy I can be. As far as H, I keep giving him his space and act as a warm friend when he comes near.

Have any of you seen the Waldo Canyon fire in Colorado on the news? That's me! This place is so scary right now ;(