RE: asking ourselves what WE want in a future R...

this thread (from Cadet's MLC resources) might be helpful - a few posts down from Lostforwords gives a similar take on reaching that level of detachment and looking at an R from a firmer emotional ground:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1