Something The Boys And I Have Noticed

[25yearsmlc]

You'll know you've gone a long way when your posts look more like the one edited, below...but kudos for trying to hear us. I hope you choose to be happy soon. Try seeing things the way this post of yours COULD be written...

Thanks Wendy and AJ.

I've had a week for the news to sink in. I am doing better. With the exception of some bad days and some really sh!tty days, I'm doing ok. Maybe it is a blessing that the wedding is still a year away. Maybe it will mean nothing to me by the time that it happens.

I've done a lot of reading here in the last few days on MLC and depression. It is so obvious what XW is going through.

why are you still "thinking" about HER and guessing at what SHE is going through?

Maybe she IS happy. That cannot bother you. It just can't.

I've also been doing some thinking.

A LOT of thinking...

I honestly don't think I could take her back if she wanted to.

I wish I believed that^^ b/c it's healthier than revising the marriage into something it isn't or maybe wasn't for some time...

I feel bad for the damage she has done to the relationships she has with our boys.

^^^ I'm sure that's true but it is just NOT YOUR PROBLEM so just get out of the way and let her work on the r's as she wishes.

When I was a kid, I used to hear the older people talk about "the change of life." I never knew what that was, but I sure do now.
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Um, make sure you don't lump this 2-3 YEAR cycle of behavior into some hormonal imbalance b/c it's NOT that simple AND b/c you'll make the rest of us peri-menopausal women upset...and you don't want that...


I had a great talk with my two youngest sons the other night. We were talking about the one good thing that came out of this mess - our relationships. We are closer now than we have ever been. I am grateful for it.

Also, I have a wonderful relationship with S19's GF. She told me that she considers me her "second daddy." I never had this before because XW didn't like her and wouldn't let her come around.

Something else: S17 said to me the other day: "you've done more living in the last 2 years than you've done your whole life." I didn't know what he meant at the time, but I think I see it now. I've been able to do some things that I couldn't do before.

Such as? Whatever it is, DO MORE OF IT!! That's a very telling comment.


I've got great kids.

I've also been thinking that it is time to do something for ME. I just don't know what yet....

Tad

Note how much of your "thinking" was not about you but about HER. She is who you have no control over or say in the life of but a lot of your time/energy still goes to her. You only get one life.

(How much of your life do you want to give to someone who chose someone else?)

Start off by NOT giving your ex w so much time and energy and space in your head and heart. Your ex w is gone. So, you want to do something FOR YOU?

Put the focus ONLY on you and your sons.

That would be doing something for you. I'm not saying it's easy b/c evidently it's not.

But it IS simple...

I think a time will come when you are SO sick & tired of feeling sick & tired and sad...that you'll snap yourself out of it.

Or not. YOU decide.

((( )))