Am I kidding myself.

[Hopefull2]

Cadet, I have re-looked and no I cannot find your links. Please send me a link. Thanks

Forward, thanks for the encouragement. As T^2 told me before i need to quiet the many voices in my head that keep pulling me in so many different directions. That is one of the reasons i "needed" to post here. To help keep my focus and goals. My W in my opinion is really trying to deal with her MLC in a constructive way at this point, but there is lots going on that she is going to have to deal with.

T^2, I will take more time later to sort out all of your questions. Communication is not my strength so i do appreciate your proding. Wife has same issue, not necessarily the best mix... To be honest i really cannot say what all of my Wifes issues really are. Do I have that discussion with her at this point?? I do know that over the last five years i have been very withdrawn from her and when i did drink i would tell her that i did not love her and that she should just leave. In my heart that was not true but i know my words hurt her very much. These words were coming from my not dealing with her continuing to have a friendship with the OM. I am a Christian and i do not condone my drinking to the excess that i was. It often was triggered by group activities that included the OM. Still no excuse. As far as my spirituallity this has definitely brought me to my knees. I have been pouring my heart out in prayer and trying to not be focused just on my situation but to get back to thinking of the many others around me that need prayers including my wife and friends fighting cancer (perspective...).

Again, let me put some more thought into your questions.

thanks all for the responses.