The difference between a D and a separation agreement is that a D is an official legal ending of the marriage and therefore requires legal representation. Once its done its terms are final. Its expensive to do and the flexibility is limited. Some things cannot be addressed in that context.
A separation agreement need only be as formal as you want to make it, the scope can include whatever you want, and you can mutually agree to change it if it doesn't work out.
In a separation agreement you can stipulate that neither party will take the kids skydiving or riding on the back of a motorcycle. Divorce usually wouldn't cover that. You can cover financial arrangements etc. You can include your right to date other people, PDA in front of the kids etc or don't include that at all. The point is that you're agreeing on some rules for how things will work while separated, that doesn't imply that you endorse anything he is doing.
Glad to hear he agreed about the family therapist -- I strongly suggest you make the selection and meet with them yourself first to ensure you're on board with what they will recommend.
Accuray
States vary so ask a lawyer, but Accuray makes some nice clear points.
In my case I went to file but my lawyer (who became a friend) suggested a sep instead, b/c it would achieve my main goal at the time. My main goal at that time was to protect our assets b/c h was behaving so oddly and worshipped his heroes on the tundra. I feared he'd mortgage our home to "invest" in their business venture and to this day I believe he would have.
The heroes are being sued now as their venture was a Ponzi scheme. I thought it was but when I pointed it out to h, he said I was being negative, and blew off my counsel. I am sure I was being negative and biased but I was also correct.
2 years ago h mentioned that it's a "good thing WE did not invest w/them" as if he had no idea why "WE" could not...
I didn't bother correcting him b/c there's no point AND thank God he's grateful for the choice made, regardless of how or why it was made.
But MY POINT HERE
is that a separation can achieve some goals and protect you. Depends on your state too.
My lawyer said "I would not file for div if I were you b/c I think you two have something that's not over yet. Just do what you have to do to protect your marital assets and the kids, and see where this goes."
Also, fwiw, in this state, 1/3 of divorces that get filed, are never completed. They get dismissed....
I have more to say but wanted to chime in on this note b/c I think a lot of folks wonder about sep vs divorce.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
