I can only tell that my choice to stand beyond that apparent reality was the best choice I ever made in my life.
I can validate this, the personal growth and knowledge I have gained from this experience is priceless, and not just in the R arena, but has flowed into dealing with EVERYone...at work, the store, the kids, my parents...and life itself is no longer negative, scary or a chore to just get through (though there are those times, they pass quickly).
You mentioned working on your negativity...I hear ya...my career has trained me well to anticipate what COULD go wrong...works great at work and for engineering...but personal relationships...eh, not so much...so you have chosen a great thing to improve about YOU, which I believe will pay off in ALL areas of life...
I had/have a laundry list of things to work on improving, what works for me is to make the list, prioritize one or two and focus on those til I knock 'em down into a new habit, then go pick a couple more and so forth...for me, trying to work on them all at once was just too overwhelming and...depressing.
You will do it!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
