good signs, bad signs, or nothing at all

[confusedfather]

Tonight after the kids go to bed I am going to have one last talk with W. She needs to know how I feel and where I stand. I will be assertive and confident which will be a 180 for me. I will tell her how i feel and that I want to try to work on the marriage. If she shuts me down I will at least know that i did everything I could and know that she knows how i feel. I can then move on.

[confusedfather]

Well w has been at hospital all evening with her mother so it probably isn't the best night to have a conversation. Maybe i have just talked myself out of it. There is always tomorrow.

[labug]

Don't have the conversation at all. She knows where you are and what you want. There is no need to tell her again.

As you said, you are in LRT.

It's way too soon for her to believe your changes are real. Keep working on those.

This is not a short hop, this is a long haul. Patience is key. Detaching is key.

It sounds like you have some good goals, how are you doing on those?

[confusedfather]

I have been spending a lot of quality time with the kids and we have all enjoyed it. I plan to join a gym once the kids are done with baseball so i can go a couple evening a week and still spend a lot of time with the kids.

The last time i told her how i felt the wounds were fresh and emotions were high. Why is it so bad to tell her now how i feel? I don't expect it to change her mind, but if a lack of communication and affection were her complaints, is continuing to do that just more of the same?

[labug]

Re-read the Last Resort Technique in DR.

By continuing to state your needs it reinforces in her mind why she needs to move on.

Maybe your affections will be shown by respecting her need for space from you.

[Tinman]

Hi confusedfather,

labug is giving you some good advice so I would take it. I am in much the same situation as you except we both moved (found places that were only 5 homes apart for kids) about 2 months ago. I have been given a lot of good advice on here and part of that was from labug. If I remember right I was instructed go go out and purchase a few cans for STFU when I pushed my W too much. Even small comments tend to have a big impact.

I am sure she knows how you feel. Best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your kids.

Let go and just maybe....

Don't give up!!!

[labug]

^^^ yep, we all need to buy stock in that brand.

[sayitaintso]

Think that might be insider trading Bug, aren't u an executive of STFU corp??

[sayitaintso]

CF- Sorry you find yourself here but try to use this time as an opportunity to find out who you currently are and you would like to be.

This is a very tough road but also one that will come with many rewards if you dig deep enough.

Keep posting and GAL.

I like your goals, stay focused on them.

Best!

[confusedfather]

Sayitaintso - we are pretty similar in age, years married, years together, and number and age of kids. What is your thread? You have almost a year into this and i want to see the process you have gone through.