NM, maybe you might get value out of that book about how to better your M without talking about it. Not sure the exact title nor whether that reference is within the TOS here.
You may want to talk about it and maybe she doesn't. And maybe she does but does not know how to ask.
Perhaps going somewhere, just the two of you, a day trip or something, nothing romantic. And just talk about how you feel about the direction of the M. Share your positive thoughts, specifically. She may respond in kind.
Thx KD. Ill look into that book at Barnes. My W has stated to some relatives that she had me back home for the "Kids" sake and that really hurt. I say this because the last 6 weeks we have been getting along great. Joking, intimate, lots of joking actually. Then to hear that just stung hard and she even made a comment about "getting the balls to leave me" one day.
My counselor said she might be saving face a little now. That helped. In other words she has told everyone and their mother that she is D'ing me and then last second she decided not to. So my C thinks it maybe a way for her to save face etc..
I do think overall things are going well. I'm still up against locked laptops, phones etc. So certainly no where I want to be in a trusting open relationship with my W.
Harrier yes I know 5 weeks. We were struggling for 2 years and separated for 6 months. I just moved back 6 weeks ago. I just hate that we do not talk about anything. Just going with the flow.
W won't do MC. She said only unless we really really need it.
It was almost a month ago she said it and I heard it through a family member.
Thanks Harrier. "Her actions are more important than her words" really just hit home for me. She is certainly not acting like those words. Actually quite the opposite.
It's tough for sure and I think it's okay to talk from time to time.
however, there is a right way and a wrong way. The wrong way is "why aren't you doing X,Y,Z" or getting mad with a snide comment or being accusatory.
The right way is to say "I'm feeling good about the general direction of our marriage, how do you feel?" I think something like that is fine. If she does something that upsets you ... like the comment, I think it's okay to talk about it. Something like, "I think we are doing well and working on rebuilding our marriage and it hurts me when you say that to a third party."
No need to really talk about at length. But I'm sure others have ideas too.
i'm still learning this too. I think it will get easier.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
[quote=Harrier]The right way is to say "I'm feeling good about the general direction of our marriage, how do you feel?" I think something like that is fine. If she does something that upsets you ... like the comment, I think it's okay to talk about it. Something like, "I think we are doing well and working on rebuilding our marriage and it hurts me when you say that to a third party."/quote]
Personally, I think the above is exactly appropriate for your sitch, NM.
Tell her that you want the two of you to go into C to be sure that the issues that came up before won't happen again. Rug sweeping the problems is the worst thing you could do right now and I've seen so many people do that. However the problems do come back. Save yourself a lifetime of heartache with a one hour session.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
