GWN, Patience is the key and when you sit quietly, the answers will actually drop into your lap. You'll know very soon what is on your h's mind...just a few more days!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My new focus is to get immersed into a connection with my W to practice my detachment and hopefully I can be someone she feels emotionally safe with, again.
It's starts with us.
Absolutely.
My challenge is that H NEVER felt safe, never trusted. That is why he NEVER talked about his past. It is in all truth a black box. I know NOTHING of his childhood or home town.
He initially said "I can't, I'm scared" when I implored him to "grow a set" and deal with his issues. There were times when we spoke where it seemed like he was on the edge of telling me something but didn't/couldn't.
The reality of this set in with me only when he told me in the past few weeks that he has to learn that it's OK to trust, that he can be safe, among other things.
When I took this information and set it against our history, all signs pointed in one direction. It bugs me to no end that no therapist I spoke to was able to connect the dots and point me to 1 in 6.
He says he is slowly working on his issues, and that there is a lot of work to do. I will not push. He will let me in when and if he chooses to. And if he chooses not to, I can only hope that he finds peace.
Thanks KD. I needed to to be brought back to "home" in all of this. I told H that if all of this has brought him to a place where he can deal with what must be some really painful things, then I'd do it all again tomorrow. I needed reminding of that.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
GWN, What you have shared in your last posting makes me wonder if you h was abused mentally, emotionall or sexually as a child. Something definitely happened to him that has created the mistrust and not feeling safe. Some day, he will open up to someone, but it's not going to be any time soon.
BTW, before Jack comes around...you might want to think about a new title and thread... you've hit the 101 mark!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, Snodderly, that's been my sense of all this since our last conversation and my subsequent research. I feel like I'm betraying him by talking about it, even though it's only a theory for me right now. It's just so huge.
Next post will be a new thread, after the fishing trip.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
gwn, You aren't betraying your h by discussing it here. It is only a theory and it could be something else. However, his comments concern me. You'll just have to wait and see if he will tell you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
